Hope

Chapter Twenty Four

 A/N This chapter is dedicated to Kami. She was literally the first one to read Hope :)

“There is a place far, far away

Where swallows like you are welcomed to stay

It is up to you, my darling

Whether or not to spread your fragile wings

And start flying”

I once heard Jeff sing that lullaby. I ignored him when he tried to remind me about it. I wish I hadn't ignored him. His terrible voice would be much better than the screams outside.

“There is a place far, far away

Where swallows like you belong

Where your fragile wings

Will grow firm and strong”

Nick had told me I belong here. Maybe I do. When are my wings growing? I'm as fragile as glass right now. I'll just fall deeper into pain if I try to fly again. Does Jeff have wings now? I'm sure he does. He'd make a great angel. He was an angel on earth. He's dancing with mom and dad now. He deserves to be happy. I didn't make him happy.

“There is a place far, far away

Where I grew up too

Where the calm clear rivers flow

Where I'll watch you grow

Where I'll never let you go.”

Mom, dad and Jeff grew up here. Perhaps the rivers flowed calmly then, now they flow relentlessly with blood. Jeff's. That woman who had a knife in her stomach. That man who was set on fire. I saw it all before Nick dragged me here.

I stare at the dull floor. I can slightly see my shoeless foot, the room is dim. I stare at it for hours, I stare at it for years. Nick stopped trying to get me to talk. He ask if I was okay, physically. At least I think he meant physically. He'd be stupid if he asked if I was okay emotionally. I didn't answer him. I didn't show any signs of life, even when he cleaned the cuts on my hand.

Suddenly, I don't see my foot but Jeff's blood and I start screaming again. Nick clams his hand over my mouth and tells me to keep quiet. So I cry instead. He lays my quivering body on his lap and lets me cry until I can't cry no more. So I go back to staring at the floor.

I don't know how much time passes until Nick carries me in his arms and I feel warm fabric on my back. He must think I'm asleep. He drapes a blanket over me and kisses my forehead. But I don't sleep. I can't sleep. I'm afraid to sleep.

-

I don't know when I changed out of that expensive dress and into my current clothes but I'm glad I did. Calamitous agony rips through my heart and devours my chest the way flames devour dry wood. It runs with my blood in my veins and licks my bones. It dances in my brain and seizes all rational thoughts. It is the match that ignites memories with Jeff and my parents and reminds me I'll never have them again. It burns my chest and leaves a painful gaping hole that can't be filled. Every time I cough, I expect to cough up ash. I fall in the hole and I get buried by misery.

Nick stopped checking up on me when he realized I won't speak. I used to stare at him as he told me what was going on: Jeff will be buried in a few days. They don't know who the attackers are, yet. Quiet a few people were hurt but no one else died. They reckon Jeff was a target but they don't know the reason.

But once, when Nick was telling me what was going on, he stopped mid-sentence and said, “I can't stand seeing you like this. You're not coming back to me anytime soon, are you?” When I didn't say anything he left and never came back.