Hope

Chapter Twenty Eight

My first impulse as Magnolia raises her hands again is to protect him. So I cast a shield between Rob and Magnolia, knowing that it isn't strong but it will prevent Magnolia from doing anything rash. I run and put myself between her and Rob.

“Kathryn, what are you doing?” She says the words slowly and carefully.

What am I doing? Why am I protecting him? After everything he did to me, after almost a year of not seeing him, I still feel the need to protect him from harm's way- no matter how small the harm. And in his current state I know he won't be able to do anything. He has been hurt and that is affecting me more than I'd like.

“Don't hurt him.” My voice is surprisingly even and strong, almost authoritative- like hers and that scares me a little.

“Why not? His family killed Jeffery!”

“We're not sure of that!” I yell back. “Be rational. He may know something useful. He must've come here for a reason.”

“Yeah, like finishing the job he started with you,” I hear Nick say- his voice cold and hard- a replica of how he was when I first arrived here.

I don't take my eyes off Magnolia's but I speak to them both. “Just hear him out.”

“You've done that mistake before, Kathryn, and look where that got you,” Nick says and I finally look at him, glaring. His face is hard, grim and cold.

“I'm not saying jump off a damn cliff for him, Nick. I'm just saying listen to what he has to say.”

“That's if he can form a sentence,” I hear Marg mutter.

I glance back at Magnolia. Her face has lost some of its rage but it still remains. She takes a deep breathe and says, “Very well. Rob, take him to the infirmary and call the Healer.” Rob pulls Harry to his feet and throws his arm over his shoulder. Harry leans on him for support, his head bent, barely conscious. I remove the shield I cast and they move past me. Harry raises his head and our eyes meet. Although half-conscious, his eyes hold a lot of emotion- regret, hurt, pain and something else. I can feel it again- the force that pulls me to him. It may not be as strong as it was before, when he was my my light and he pulled me towards him, like I am the planet and he's the sun and my only source of life, but its still there.

I turn away quickly only to be met with Nick's hateful gaze.

-

“I don't understand!” Nick yells at me as he paces up and down the rooftop. He dragged me here- not too gently- when everyone calmed down. His temper flared up and as as result two flower pots are shattered and a bench lays broken after being flung to the wall. “How can you protect him after everything he has done?”

I sigh as I wrap my jacket tighter around myself. The cold breeze blows a few strands of onyx hair to my face. I don't know the answer to his question so I don't say anything.

“Answer me!”

“I want to get some clarity on this situation, Nick! And he has the clarity I need, some if not all.”

“His family killed Jeff!” he spits, his face flushed with anger and frustration.

“Your mother killed my parents but you don't see me holding it against you!” I yell and regret it instantly when hurt washes over his features. “And we don't know if it was the Acutus who launched that arrow,” I add.

He raises his eyebrows. “Why are you defending him?”

“Why are you acting like this?”

“Because I love you, Kathryn!” he shouts. I stare at him, dumbfounded. “I'm in love with you, okay? That's why I've been busting my ass trying to make you happy. That's why I've been protecting you so much, because I couldn't bare the thought of losing you.” He steps closer to me, his voice dropping to a whisper. “I didn't know what it was at first- why I suddenly couldn't stay away from the mansion for more than a few hours. Or why I started dreaming of angels with black hair and blinding white wings. Or why your rare laughter, that was annoying at first, suddenly became the most wonderful sound I've ever heard. I thought it was that crap I smoked that I got from Rioleo, but it wasn't.” He takes a ragged breathe. He's so close that I can feel it brush against my face when he lets it out. “No. It was you.”

I'm rendered speechless. But I don't get the time to gather my thoughts and say something for he presses his lips to mine, surprisingly gentle.

His lips pull mine apart and he deepens the kiss. I don't fight him off.

I know I should but I don't.

Because I don't want to.

The kiss isn't fiery or urgent. It's slow. As though he's savoring the moment. It resembles water, calm and clear and peaceful, washing down a smooth yet dirty surface, washing away worries and fears.

Maybe if I let myself, I can love Nick as much as he loves me. He can mend mend me back together, make me whole again. He's my anchor, strong and prevents me from drifting away to darkness. He can be more, so much more, if I just give him all of me- give him the damaged part of me that is with Harry.

But I can't for that part, damaged as it is, belongs to Harry.

I realize now that I love Nick more than a friend, but not enough. He doesn't deserve second best.

He pulls away slightly, his face inches from mine.

“But I saw the way you looked at him,” he whispers. “I realized that you will never be mine. Truly mine. As much as it hurts to admit it, you love him more than you'll ever love me.”

I feel my eyes well up with tears. He's hurting, because of me. “Nick I-”

He kisses me again, his lips as light as a feather against mine. “There's nothing you can say, Kathryn.” He pulls away completely and starts to back away towards the steps. “Nothing at all.”