The Last Great Seduction

Chapter Thirty Four

After the revelation that Rihanna was in the hospital, I think that's when I had to realize that I needed to go ahead and get help. I know some of you are thinking how the hell this ties up, but I never thought that I didn't need help. I simply didn't want to open up. I never liked thinking back to things that have happened to me.

Ms. Brenda was in, what I called, training for when I was going to be leaving for the tour, so she insisted that she keep the kids for the day. The woman actually kicked me out my own house and told me to go and have some fun. So why the hell was I sitting in front of a therapist?

Nervous wasn't even a word to describe how I was going to feel. I was used to be the helper, not the one needing the help. I knew that therapists could break you down. I didn't want to feel naked. I didn't want to think about a lot of things that happened to me. There was a reason that I just pushed everything away and hoped for the better.

"How are you?" Dr. Raymond asked me. Dr. Raymond looked as if he was around my age. I don't know why I thought that Corey would've recommended me to an old man, but I was glad that he didn't. I don't think we could relate to anything.

"I'm pretty good, actually," I told him honestly.

He smiled brightly. "Alright, well, I first just want to say thanks for showing up today."

"I know it's last minute, but you were recommended to me about five years ago."

I think he was a bit surprised by that. "And you kept my number?"

I laughed a bit at his shocked tone. "I mean, coming from this person, you have to be the perfect person for me. So, I figured that today was a good day to start."

"Wow. Have you had any other help?" He asked intently.

I shook my head.

"So for five years, you haven't sought out help, therefore I can only assume that the problems have piled up."

I smirked a bit and nodded my head slowly. The problems have definitely built up.

"What do you think your main problem is?" He questioned me.

Briefly, I thought about the question. There were a lot of things that could have been said, but I think my main issue is, "My anger," I answered.

"What's your anger like?"

I laughed softly. "If you disrespect me, I will hit you. I firmly believe in talk shit, get hit."

"Well then, why do you think that this is your main problem?"

"I'm getting old. I'm getting to that age where people look at you like you're crazy for the reactions I have. Also because I'm in the spotlight. I can't go beating every disrespectful person's ass if I want my career. It's also not good because I have a son. I have to learn patience, yenno?"

"I understand. What's the worst your anger has caused? Or what are some of the worst things you've done out of anger?"

"I beat my mom," I said quickly.

"Really? Why is that?"

"I went to pick my son up. This was about five years ago. My son's father had shown up to my job. I hadn't seen him in about two years. Well, I went to my mother's house, and she had allowed this man to be around my son. I was told that it had been like that for a while. I don't know. I just snapped. It's like...you not only crossed me as a parent, but as your child. You disrespected my parenting and wishes. And said forget that this is my child's child."

"You apologize to her?"

"No."

"Do you want to?"