Elle (pronounced EL) Germanotta and her mother, Stefani, better known as Lady Gaga, live in New York City with their three dogs Asia, Gustav, and Koji. Other than Gustav and Koji, there are no other men in Elle's life.
Her father was nothing but a S...
I turn 17 in three days. March 31st, 2018. Today is my moms birthday.
I can't believe I've been alive almost 17 years. I've seen things normal 17 year olds haven't seen in their lifetime.
My mother, Stefani, had me 3 days after her 16th birthday. She was young, small, and alone. Until my swine of a father decided he missed her and moved her away from her family and took her to New York City. We've lived here ever since. Except it's just me and my mom. Luc left shortly after I turned 15. I'm not complaining. He wasn't the best to live with. I'd usually fall asleep to the sound of my moms cries. I didn't know what to do so I just put a pillow over my head and cried myself to sleep. I'm glad those days are over. For me at least.
"Momma, did you have a nightmare again last night? I heard a scream but didn't know if it was you?" I said, walking over to where she sat, writing furiously.
"No, baby, It wasn't me." She says, looking up at me, scrunching her nose and scratching her head. She quickly turns back to what she was writing. I know she's lying. She always scrunches her nose and doesn't make eye contact. She's ashamed. She always has been. Of her past and everything with Luc. She doesn't like to talk about it but sometimes I hear her sobbing in her room. One time I heard her sobs so clearly I thought she was hurt so I walked into her room and she was in the bathroom. I stood peering through the cracked bathroom door as she sat in front of her mirror just staring at herself and sobbing. Most people don't ever see this side of her. The broken side. She puts her makeup on, does her hair, and walks out onto that stage in the most elaborate outfits you've ever seen with a smile on her beautiful face. She sings her heart out, but to be honest, there isn't much heart left. She's Lady Gaga to the world, but a broken hearted mother to me.
"Mom. You don't have to be embarrassed or anything. I already know. Don't forget, I lived through it too." I say. She stops writing and puts her head in her hands.
"I know, Elly girl. I love you so much." She reaches a hand out to me keeping her head in the other hand. I grab it and hold it tight. I can almost feel the pain radiating through her body and into mine. I hate seeing her this way but she won't talk about it. I've told her it would be much better if she could let it all out. If not to me, then to a therapist. She always responds the same way. 'I'm fine.'
Sometimes when I look at her, I can still see her bruises scattered all over her body. When I was five I remember walking into her and Luc's room one day after he had gone to work and seeing her laying on their bed with bruises on her stomach and arms. She was naked and crying. I didn't understand what was going on at the time but I know now. I remember her pulling me into her arms with tears running down her cheeks. She tried to wipe them away quickly but I still saw them.
"You can't say anything to anyone, baby. It's like a game. A secret game. If you tell the secret, you lose." She would say, making something so big seem like a game. I would smile and nod at her.
"Yes mommy. But why do you have some boo boos?" I'd ask, innocently, while running my fingertips over her stomach to feel the purple, black splotches.
"They aren't boo boos sweetie. They're my costume for the game."
"So I know for your birthday you said you don't want anything but I know you HAVE to want SOMETHING. You're turning 17. How can a 17 year old girl not want a thing for her birthday." My mom says, braiding my hair as I solve a crossword.
"I don't know. I guess all I really want is just to be with you. No paparazzi, no screaming fans. Just me and my mom." I say as I fill in another word.
"Aw baby girl thats so sweet. I think that can be arranged." She says, kissing the top of my head and motioning for a hair tie. I hand it to her and look in the mirror as she finishes. She smiles at me and I know its genuine. I haven't seen that smile in weeks.
"Can we go to breakfast?" I ask, putting the pencil in my hand down.
"Of course! Pre- birthday breakfast!" She claps and does a little dance.
"Woah woah woah I hope this pre-birthday thing doesn't affect my BIRTHDAY breakfast. Three days before is a while away." I joke. She giggles and runs out of the bathroom. I follow and see her rummaging through her closet for something to wear. I see a sweatshirt but its too late. Before I can distract her, her hand meets the fabric. She rubs her thumb across the sleeve and I see her slowly push it aside. Luc''s sweatshirt. She picks a batman t-shirt and some black jeans.
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As she puts them on I see her face change. Tying her shoes, she switches to a smile. A forced smile.
"Ready Elle?" She says, standing up and walking toward the door. I follow close behind, wondering how I'm ever going to heal my beloved mother.
