Have Faith!

Discharged

07/25/09

I woke around 8:30am ready to go. I'm not going to beat around the bush, I woke up sad, empty and angry. I was upset because I'm on a floor full of moms who have their baby's with them.

The nurse came in gave me the last of my paperwork (them and their paperwork lol) I was ready to go home. Coming in I was a young girl, but walking out I was a young woman. Although I could not control what happened the previous day, I felt like I failed. How could this happen to me? Why did this happen to me? I went home to prepare for the days ahead....

Days later
Although I did not have my baby with me, my body didn't know that. My breast were so engorged with milk I was leaking everywhere! This would have been nice to know prior to me coming home. Here I am trying to push out everything that happened and my breast are leaking non stop. Every time they leaked, I would be on the verge of crying. I grabbed my babys blanket an hugged it.

My uncle Jessie told me to put cabbage in my bra it helps you to stop producing milk  (Everyone has that goofy uncle in the family well this is him) I looked at him and burst out laughing and asked him  "the real question is how do you know about this stuff?" He said watch this. He called my mom and she walked in the room. "Jill what stops milk from coming?" "Cabbage" my mom answered. " Oh okay I guess you do know a thing or two." " That's that old school teaching" they both said. " you better get with it" my Uncle Jessie told me

It was time to make funeral arrangements. My mom and I went to the funeral home. I walked in not feeling sad for the first time in a couple of days. We walked into the office. D&D are twins I'm not sure which was who at the time, but them along with another staff member came and talk with us. They told us that she needed a program. "you mean to tell me I have to make a program for this?" I asked (I'm not dumb but again I was 20 years old, I've never had to plan a funeral before) "yes, we also need pictures of her family for the program as well." They said. I looked at my mom and shook my head. They told us where her body was, yes we wanted to know. They explained to us the process and gave me a price. We also had to pick out a casket. After paying for everything, I went home and got started on the program. It wasn't hard, but this wasn't how I thought I would be spending my summer. I wrote my baby a letter from my heart.

The next day, my mom and I returned to the funeral home. We walked in and there was a lady in the casket just posted up. I'm sorry but stuff is funny to me at the wrong time. I looked at my mom and we both burst out laughing. I was in tears laughing. "mama they just got her right here greeting people when they walk in" I said. "Girl this is a hot mess. So they're about to just have a whole funeral right here out in the open?" She said "girl I guess so" I said laughing. I needed that laugh. I haven't had a good laugh in a while!

We walked in the office and of course my mom blurts out " so y'all just about to have her funeral in the open like that?" One of the twins answered yes. " I hope y'all don't have my grandbaby all out in the open like that" " oh no we have a private room set up just for her" he reassured us. I gave him my pictures and letters for her program. My cousin Justin told me he would help make the program, because this was not in my line if work. He came later and helped design her program.