T.O.T.G.A

08

08

Sounds of crickets, Birds chirping, Wind howls and here I am lying on the grassy hills watching the stars and the moon in the sky. Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras na akong nandito nakahiga at nakatulala. I can't even think clearly. Lutang parin ako, Hindi pa nga ako nakakadesisyon. I don't even know what time is it. I forgot my phone at Yuna's place, I sighed "Are they worried?"

I just want to stay like this a little longer. I want peace of mind. You know what it feels like andami mong problema, andaming tanong na bumabagabag sa'yo pero parang blanko utak mo?

I even got hurt nung hindi ako sinundan ni Andre palabas ng Unit ni Yuna. Who am I kidding? Right? Ako may gusto na wag nila ako sundan but here I am? Getting hurt because of what I've said, because they obey my words.

I sighed deeply. I wonder what time is it? 7 pm? 8? Hindi rin ako nakaramdam ng gutom. Trying to absorb everything I've heard a while ago.

Trying to find answers huh? Answers for what? Why he ghosted me? Kelangan pa ba ng sagot doon? Who am I to demand that? Bakit pa niya ako gustong kausapin? Is it necessary? Mandatory? Oh God! It's killing me.

Yeah I admit. May nararamdaman parin ako kay Carlo, because that's 3 years na MU for heaven's sake. 3 years niya pinaramdam sakin kung paano mainlove. Kung paano may hatid-sundo lagi sayo. Pero that was not as serious I have with Andre it's different. The love I've felt is stronger. I am not using Andre as rebound. I just want to give myself a chance to be whole once again ever since Carlo left me alam kong may kulang but when I'm with Andre kahit na ilang araw parang naramdaman ko na buo ako.

I love Andre. I love him Alright? There's no doubt about that. I love him. Period. Mabilis? Masyado bang mabilis? I don't think so. Basta ang alam ko iba ang pagmamahal ko kay AJ sa pagmamahal ko noon kay Carlo. I know there are differences. This love I have for him is stronger.Pero hindi ko lang tanggap na ganun ganun nalang siya dedesisyon na hindi man lang ako tatanungin kung anong gusto ko. 

Siguro wala naman nang dahilan para makipag-usap ko kay Carlo besides wala namang kami noon para kailangan ng closure. I am still mad at Andre for what he just said. So he's willing to sacrifice his love for me huh?

"Damn you Andre!"

Humanda ka sakin.

Humugot ulit ako ng malalim na hininga bago ako umupo mula sa pagkakahiga. Minasahe ko ang likod kong nangalay. I can smell familiar manly scent from here and when I look back someone is walking towards me with his hoodie on carrying paper bags with famous fast food chain imprinted on it. I cant see his face clearly but I know it's him.

Andre.

He squatted in front of me removing his hood. He looked me in the eyes. He's worried yet he give me an apologetic smile. I gave him an emotionless look.

"What are you doing here?" I asked plainly cold. Trying to act strong. I'm still mad at him.

"I'm sorry baby." He whispered softly. He's now caressing my hair making my cold heart melt. Be strong Vera, Don't cry. Don't be a cry baby. You can do it don't cry in front of him.