Flickering Shadows

The Essay (Chapter 15)

THE ESSAY

Today my social worker wanted to see me.  Mrs. Wood set up monthly appointments with me to see how I was doing, make sure I wasn't dead, the usual.  It's usually a pleasant experience; she gives me candy in exchange for information about my life.  But today when I walked in I felt an unpleasant vibe.  "Hello, Mrs. Wood." I waved. 

           "Hello, Lucy.  Have a seat." She gestured to the large, brown armchair that sat in front of her desk. "How have you been, dear?"

           "Good." I nodded while helping myself to a handful of M&M's.

           "That is definitely good."  She smiled and popped a few into her mouth.  Mrs. Wood was old, but she was so cool.  She put her bare feet up on her desk and asked, "Now, have you any idea when you'll be discharged?"

           "The plan is that soon after my birthday I can leave, or I'll be transferred upstairs."

           "I think you'll be leaving.  One of the only reasons you're staying here is because there isn't a family member completely qualified to take care of you."

           "Really?"

           "You're grandmother was our first choice, because you seem to get on really well with her.  The only issue is her money problems.  She can't support you financially.  Then we moved on to your aunt and uncle, but they didn't seem terribly friendly-suspicious. Your aunt didn't seem to care about you at all, but your uncle got very...fidgety-like he was hiding something. Police did not see it worthy of an investigation, but still, we decided they were unfit guardians of you. Your sister Camille, though, seems very keen on getting custody of you."

           "What?" I gasped.

           "After the way you reacted to her visit, I thought it would be best if you didn't go to her.  Plus, what is the use of dealing with a custody battle now?  You'll be a legal adult in less than exactly two months-June 9th."

           "True. Thank you, Mrs. Wood."  I was scared.  If my sister had managed to get custody of me, what would have happened?  I shivered at the thought.

           "Miss Arnold, can I request something of you?"

           "Go ahead."

           "You're graduating on June 5th.  Obviously, everyone is interested in you. Dr. Howard and I think it would be nice if you were to write an essay-an essay about whom you are and who you'll be in the future." She explained.  "Tell them about you.  Your hopes, dreams, and fears.  Let them know that Lucy Arnold isn't just the psycho they see on the television."

           Thanks, Mrs. Wood, for confirming that all the American-and Russian-people think I'm a psycho.  "I suppose that would be a nice opportunity." I said.

           "Indeed it would.  Just think about it."  Mrs. Wood took her feet off the desk.  "You can go now, dear."

           I took a handful of M&M's for the road, and walked out.  What would I write about?  I had no idea who I was, and who I was going to be.  Hell, I did not know what I was going to do tomorrow.  How was I supposed to know what I would be doing in fifteen years? 

           I sighed to myself and went to lie down in my bed.  I flopped down and closed my eyes, thinking.  What would I do with my future? Would I go to college?  I hardly had enough money for a year.  What's the point of going one year and then being forced to drop out?  I could work at McDonalds...how glamorous. Or I could become one of the neighborhood hobos.  That's what people expect of me; criminal kids don't usually go anywhere in life, except prison.  I was going to prove them wrong, or die trying.

           I must have really been out of it, because when I opened my eyes again there was a giant box outside my door.  I raised an eyebrow; my thoughts were racing trying to figure out what it was.  Maybe it was a dead animal-someone sent me a dead cat once, but the hospital intercepted it.  I gagged; I really hoped it wasn't anything dead and rotting.  I dragged the box inside my room and opened it up. 

           Inside was the dress-my dress-beautiful and red, with the crystal flower belt.  A pair of shoes was thrown in along with it.  "Thought you might need this," read an unsigned note.  Thank you, mystery sender, thank you so much.