Flickering Shadows

Meltdown (Chapter 17)

MELTDOWN

Turns out that Amanda remembered a lot.  Much to Dylan's distaste, she was heard bragging about it to her friends all morning. "It is not very attractive, girls who kiss and tell." He said just loud enough for her to hear.

           Dylan and I hung out all day in the cafeteria, as we were banned from nearly everywhere else.  We chatted about nothing and ignored Amanda's attempted advances.  Soon he stood and gathered up his things.  "I have homework to do."

           "Oh, for what class?"

           "Journalism."

           "Cool, catch you later!" I called after him.  I had an essay due on To Kill A Mockingbird, but I would do that later.  I'd handwrite it first.  It was over which character we identified with the most.

           I picked Boo Radley.  So many times in my life I had felt like him.  Everyone always talked about me behind his back.  He was imprisoned in his home-by choice or otherwise.  He hurt his father, so he's infamous around the neighborhood.  Boo Radley is an anti-social, misunderstood, freak.  I was sure I would be one of the only people to pick him, other than one or two emo kids.  I would type it up later then fax it to my teacher.

          

That night, it finally soaked into Amanda that she lost.  She never had a chance, and that night was just an act of drunkenness.  Dylan didn't want her.  Her piercing sobs echoed from her room and down the hall for hours. It was earsplitting and hard to listen to.  I didn't understand why she was so upset over something that never happened.

           Doctors and nurses were unsure of what to do.  They had left her alone for the moment, but I could tell that they would act if she didn't stop soon.  Something possessed me to walk straight into Amanda's room, despite desperate pleas from them not to. 

           It was a mess-her pillow was ripped open and her blankets strewn all over the floor; Suitcases were open and their contents thrown all over. Amanda, herself, was on the bare bed sobbing.  "Amanda?" I said.

           "What do you want?" she snapped between sobs.

           "To talk to you-I was wondering why you're so upset about this.  Nothing really happened."

           She sat up and glared at me, "Nothing happened? He doesn't want me! I'm not pretty enough for him, I don't deserve him.  He needs someone so much prettier, less obsessive.

           "I know I get too obsessive, but I can't help myself.  I need a guy-well, I need their compliments.  The fact that Dylan doesn't want me makes me feel awful about myself."

           I was surprised that Amanda was actually opening up to me.  "Dylan thinks you're pretty, he's told me that. It's what you are on the inside that makes you unattractive.  You're too dependent and narcissistic.  You put down others to make yourself feel better-you are the very definition of a mean girl. Dylan isn't ever going to want you, and no one is ever going to stay with you if you keep this up." I advised.  "You can survive without a guy.  You need to love yourself before someone can love you, and you can love someone else."

          I was amazed at my little speech, and so was she.  I nearly fell over when she said, "I'm sorry I've been so dreadful to you, Lucy.  I thought Dylan wanted you more than me, and that is a new feeling for me."

           "Oh, it's alright." I smiled.  "Does this mean we're friends now?"

           "No." she said. "We just aren't enemies."

           "Sounds good to me," I nodded, and she agreed.  I never would have thought that I could be not-enemies with the girl who almost gave me a concussion and had harassed me since I had come here.