Flickering Shadows

Accidents (Chapter 25)

Accidents

I honestly have no idea how I survived five years without Dylan.  He stayed a week longer with Reagan and me and then he had to leave; parting ways was painful.  Dylan promised that he would visit soon, but I could not wait.  A month or so after he left, in April, I flew out to Denver to see him; I left Reagan in Buffalo with a friend, I feared that she would not fare well on the flight.

           He picked me up at the airport.  I leaped into his arms when I saw him and he carried my things to the car like the gentleman he was.  In the car we chatted excitedly. "Did you know Reagan really missed you?" I said.

           "Did she?" he said, eyes straight ahead.

           "Yes! She is ready to give up her room so you can move in." I laughed. "Reagan talks about you all the time."

           "I missed her, too."

           "The other day she told me you owe her a bedtime story for every day you were gone."

           "Damn. That has to be..." he paused to count. "At least 35 stories!"

           We laughed together and he said under his breath, "I'll read them all."

           "You certainly don't have to!" I smiled.

           "I need to make it up to her." He said quietly.

           "What do you mean by that?"

           He looked at me with pained eyes. "I wasn't there for the past six years, Lucy! Reagan is a great kid, but she definitely deserves a better father.  Reagan will get everything she asks for; I want her to love me and forgive me for the past years.  I will never forgive myself for that, so I do not know how she possibly could."

           I gaped at him.  Why was he feeling so guilty? Dylan did not even know that she existed, so how could he possibly feel bad about being a terrible father?  How could he think that Reagan did not adore him? "You are a great dad, Dylan! Already, in such a short time, you know her favorite foods.  You know her favorite bedtime stories. You know how she loves it when you pick her up and zoom around the house.  You spoil her by reading her three books at night.  She won't let me read her just one anymore!" I raved. "Do you love her?"

           "More than anything." Dylan admitted.

           "That is all she wants from you. She does not want material things; Reagan just wants you to be her daddy."

           "Good to know." He said; I could see a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

That night, after I did some heavy thinking, I decided it was time.  I went downstairs and went over to Dylan who was in the kitchen. I handed him the necklace he gave me.  I saw the sad look on his face and I chuckled. He thought I was breaking up with him. "Open it up." I said gently.

           Dylan pulled the two pieces apart and took out the note he had written me once upon a time.  He looked at me with a slightly less panicked expression.  Underneath his words I had scrawled: No, will you marry me?

           Dylan put it down on the counter and gathered me in his arms.  "Yes." He said. A smile broke out across his face. "We're getting married!"

           "Indeed." I giggled and pressed my lips to his.

           Dylan pulled away and asked if I wanted my ring back.  I nodded. He pulled it right out of his pants pocket. "I always keep it with me in case of moments like this." He said as he slid it on my finger. "Do you still like it?"

           "Of course!" I grinned. It was just as beautiful as I remembered. "Dylan, do you really love me?"

           "I always have. Stop asking silly questions." He trapped me in his arms and tickled me, and made me forget all my worries.

          

          

That night we called Reagan. "Hey baby girl!" Dylan said into the phone.  "Guess what?"  He paused to let her answer. "Mommy and I are going to get married!"

           I laughed at her loud squeals drifting out of the phone.  I soon took it from him. "Are you excited?"

           "Yes!" she giggled.

           "You get to be the flower girl," I told her. "With a pretty dress; I'll even let you wear a bit of make-up."

           We chatted for a bit longer about her day and then she had to go to sleep.  "Love you, Mommy!" Reagan yawned.

           "Love you to, Ray-Ray. So does Daddy!"

           I hung up and saw Dylan staring at me. "What?" I asked.

           "I think a December wedding would be lovely.  You look beautiful in the snow."

           "I could lose twenty pounds by then. December works for me!"

           "No!" he practically shouted. "I honestly like you better this way. You aren't skin and bones-I like these new curves."

           "Really?"

           "Yeah. But you are beautiful no matter what."

           The date was set for December tenth. Now all I had to worry about was the dress, the food, and the guests.  We decided to have the ceremony in Cheyenne, Wyoming.  We also decided to move there, as it was not as isolated as Buffalo was.  I could not wait to become Mrs. Armstrong.

Since Dylan had returned, my nightmares had stopped for the most part.  He kept me safe from the terrors in my mind.  The night before my wedding, however, he went out for the night with some friends. I had a relapse.

           "No!" I screeched.

           I saw my father chasing after me with a knife. This could not be just my imagination, it was far too real.  I ran out of my bed and down the stairs.  I faintly heard Reagan cry out to me, but I could not stop running.  It did not dawn on me that this was simply a hallucination.

           I fell a few feet from the front door and could not bring myself to get up.  I felt an invisible knife being dug into my chest. I screamed out in imagined pain.  I kicked and yelled...then he was gone.

           I put my hand over my chest and all of a sudden I was having a full blown panic attack. It felt like there was an elephant sitting on my chest. My breath was short and rapid.  My heart was pounding at a zillion miles an hour.  I was so full of anxiety and fear that I was frozen.  My head started to spin.

           I heard a giant crash and a sickening snap, but I could not bear to turn to see what it was.  Luckily, Dylan walked in right then.  He immediately called 911 and rushed to my side. "Lucy, what happened?"

           I could not speak still; I did not have to. At that moment Dylan's eyes shifted to the stairs, and became even more frantic. "Oh, God, help me! My baby girl just fell down the stairs. She isn't moving!"

           I heard sirens approaching and that is the last thing I remembered. And my world went black.