Enjoy Your Life

Use the right flavour

There are things which people unanimously love and appreciate, and things which they unanimously dislike. There are also things upon which they differ, so while some may be appreciative of them, others may find them cumbersome. Hence, everyone loves to be smiled at and hates to be frowned at, yet some may appreciate jokes whilst others may not. Some people may like others visiting them whilst others would rather be left alone. Some may love to talk excessively whilst others may not. Often people feel comfortable with those of the same nature as themselves. Why not then be pleasing to people of all natures?

It is said that a man once saw a falcon flying next to a crow. He was amazed at the thought of the king of all birds flying next to a crow! He concluded that they must have something in common for them to fly together, he continued to watch them until they became tired and decided to land, and lo and behold, they were both crippled!

Hence, if someone knows that his father prefers silence to excessive talk, then let him deal with his father accordingly in order to gain his love. If a wife knows that her husband loves jokes, then let her joke with him. If she discovers the opposite then she should avoid joking with him. The same can be said about a man dealing with his colleagues, neighbours and brothers. Do not think for a moment that people are all of the same nature, for they differ and come in many varieties.

I recall that a righteous old lady, who happens to be the mother of a friend of mine, would praise one of her sons lavishly. She would always be happy whenever he visited or conversed with her. Even though the rest of her sons and daughters were also kind to her, her heart was attached to this one son in particular. I would wonder about this, so one day I asked my friend why. He replied, "The problem is that my brothers do not comprehend my mother's nature. They become too cumbersome for her to bear whenever they sit with her."

I asked, jokingly, "So your highness was the only one able to discover her nature?"

He laughed and said, "Yes! Allow me to tell you the secret. My mother is like any other aged woman who loves to talk about womanly issues, such as who got married or divorced, how many sons so-and-so has, which of them is the eldest, what is the name of her first child, and so on. I consider all this frivolous, but she loves chatting about it. She feels that the information she shares with me is priceless as it cannot be found in any book, audio or website. She feels that she is relating unique information to me, and is delighted to do so! Whenever I sit with her I instigate such conversations and she becomes elated and continues to speak ceaselessly. My brothers talk about issues that do not interest her and so she feels bored in their company and longs to be in mine! That is all there is to it."

Yes, if you realise the nature of the one you are conversing with, what he likes and dislikes, you will be able to capture his heart. Whoever looks at the way the Prophet PBUH dealt with people would realise that he would deal with everyone in accordance with their personality. Even when he would deal with his wives, he would do so on the basis of the personality of each.

'A'ishah was very much of an extrovert and so the Prophet PBUH would often joke with her. Once she went with him on a journey and on the way back, as they approached Madinah, the Prophet PBUH said to the people, "Continue on and leave us behind for a while." The people carried on, leaving them behind, and so the Prophet PBUH was left with 'A'ishah. At the time, 'A'ishah was a young and energetic girl. The Prophet PBUH turned to her and said, "Come, let's race!" She therefore raced him, and 'A'ishah won.

After some time, she went out again with the Prophet PBUH on another journey. By now she had grown and put on weight. The Prophet PBUH said to the people, "Carry on..." and they did. He then said to 'A'ishah, "Come, let's race!" They raced, and this time, the Prophet PBUH won. The Prophet PBUH then started to joke about it as he patted her on her back, saying, "That was for last time when you defeated me! That was for last time when you defeated me!" He would, however, deal very differently with Khadijah, as she was fifteen years his senior.