Enjoy Your Life

Choose the right topics

Following on from the previous chapter, is the subject of the way to talk to people and what to talk about. When someone converses with another person, he should talk about subjects that are suitable. The topic he may choose to discuss with a youth would be quite different to that which he would choose to discuss with the elderly. The type of conversation he has with a scholar would not be the same as that with a layman. Similarly, the words used with one's wife would not be the same as those used with his sister.

This is not to say that the topic must be completely different for each person, such that a story one may relate to his sister should never be related to his wife, or what is said to a young can never be repeated to the elderly. Not at all. What is being referred to here is the way in which the story is related differs.

By way of example, imagine if one were to sit with some elderly guests, over eighty years old, who had come to visit one's grandfather, would it be appropriate for him to laugh and joke while discussing what he did with his friends at the beach, and relate how well his friend played football? No doubt this would be inappropriate. Similarly, when speaking to small children, it would not be suitable to relate various stories concerning how husbands should treat their wives.

It is agreed upon, therefore, that from the ways of attracting others, is to choose the topics they like to discuss. For instance, if there is a father who has an intelligent son, it would be appropriate to ask about him, as the father would most definitely be proud of him and love to discuss the subject. Likewise, there may be a person who has just opened up a shop and be making a handsome profit, and thus it would be appropriate to ask about his shop and customers as this is what would please him. He would therefore love to sit and discuss this time and time again.

The Prophet PBUH would take this into consideration, and hence, the nature of his speech with young men would be different to that with the elderly, or with women and children.

Jabir bin 'Abdullah  was a great Companion. His father was killed at Uhud, and he had left behind Jabir's nine sisters with no one to take care of them. He had also left behind a huge debt to be paid off, all on the shoulders of this youth who was still very young. Because of this, Jabir was always anxious and thinking about his sisters and his debt, as the creditors were demanding payment day and night.

Jabir journeyed with the Prophet PBUHon the Dhat ar-Riqa' expedition. Due to his extreme poverty, he was riding a very weak camel that could hardly walk. Jabir did not have enough money to buy another camel. As a result, everyone preceded him and he was the last in the caravan. The Prophet PBUHwas also at the end of the army, so he met Jabir as his camel walked slowly along.The Prophet PBUHsaid, "What is wrong with you, O Jabir?"

He said, "This camel is slowing me down."

The Prophet PBUHsaid, "Kneel it down." Jabir knelt it down, as the Prophet PBUHknelt his camel down, too. The Prophet PBUHthen said, "Give me your whip, or break a branch off a tree." Jabir gave him his whip. The Prophet PBUH took the whip and struck the camel with it gently, and the camel got up energetically. Jabir got hold of the camel and jumped on its back and went alongside the Prophet PBUHhappily. The camel had become very lively. The Prophet PBUHturned to Jabir to converse with him. What was the topic that the Prophet PBUHchose to discuss with him? Jabir was a young man, and young men are normally concerned about marriage and their livelihood.

The Prophet PBUHsaid, "O Jabir, did you get married?"

He said, "Yes, I did."

The Prophet PBUHsaid, "To a virgin or a previously married woman?"

He said, "Previously married."

The Prophet PBUHwas surprised at why a young man like him, who had married for the first time, had done so to a previously married woman. He said to Jabir in kindness, "Why didn't you marry a virgin so that you could fondle one other?"