Enjoy Your Life

Convince him of his error so he may accept advice

Some people tend to engage others uselessly by offering excessive unsolicited advice and remarks, which may be solely based on their personal liking.

For instance, after attending a wedding party that you and your wife had planned and organised, an invitee complains to you, "Dear brother, the wedding party was not very appropriate. You tired yourself in vain. I was under the impression that the party would be of a higher standard."

"How so?" you ask, civilly.

He says, "Dear brother, most of the meat was fried. I personally prefer boiled meat. The salad was sour due to too much lemon, not exactly to my taste. The sweets were all decorated with cream, which made them repulsive."

He then says, "Generally, most of the people disliked the food. They only ate out of courtesy, or because they had no choice!"

No doubt, you would despise this adviser and avoid him. You would never accept his counsel, because it is only based on personal taste!

You can say the same about someone who advises the next person quite harshly about how to deal with his children, his wife, or how he should have had his house built, or the kind of car he should have bought, purely based on his own personal preferences and opinions.

Always beware that you do not base your advice on your personal preferences. Yes, if someone asks your opinion, do share it with him. But to speak to him as you would advise a person who has erred, then certainly not. Perhaps the one given advice does not feel that he has erred. Therefore, if you are to offer your advice, you must make sure that your argument is strong while advising him aptly.

A Bedouin once sat with a group of righteous people, as they spoke about kindness to parents. While the Bedouin sat and listened, one of them turned to him and said, "O so-and-so! How are you with your mother?"

The Bedouin replied, "I am kind to her."

He said, "What do you do to show your kindness to her?"

The Bedouin replied, "By Allah! I never hit her with a stick!"

Meaning, if he ever wanted to hit her, he would hit her either with his hand or his turban, but not with a stick out of his extreme kindness towards her! The poor man had no idea about right and wrong. So be soft and kind so that the one you are addressing may be convinced of his mistake.

At the time of the Prophet Peace Be Upon Him , there was a woman who would borrow items from other women and forget to return them. Upon being reminded, she would deny that she had ever borrowed anything. This continued until it became unbearable and the people complained to the Messenger of Allah Peace Be Upon Him , who decreed that her hand be cut off. However, it became agonising for the Quraysh that her hand be severed whilst she was from one of their greatest tribes. They decided to speak to the Prophet Peace Be Upon Him in order to lighten the sentence by giving her another punishment, such as lashing or a fine, etc. Each time a person came to discuss with the Messenger of Allah Peace Be Upon Him about this issue, he returned unsuccessfully.

They decided that no one would dare to speak to the Messenger of Allah Peace Be Upon Him except Usamah bin Zayd, the most beloved person to the Messenger of Allah Peace Be Upon Him and the son of the most beloved to him, for both he and his father were brought up in the house of the Prophet Peace Be Upon Him , such that he considered them his sons. Thus, they spoke to Usamah.

Usamah came to the Messenger of Allah Peace Be Upon Him . The Prophet welcomed him and sat with him. 

Usamah began to speak to the Prophet Peace Be Upon Him about lightening the sentence. He argued that the woman was from the most noble of people. Usamah continued to speak as the Prophet Peace Be Upon Him listened, trying to convince the Prophet Peace Be Upon Him of his view.