Heartbreak Hotel • jb( EDITING)

May 23, 1999

I would be leaving to Michigan soon to visit father and Kelly.

Father never answered my calls. I left plenty voicemails and it seemed that he only listened to one.

I told him I would be coming soon to visit him and Kelly. He texted back an "Okay." And nothing more.

I knew Kelly and father were having problems but I didn't know it was still going on.

Due to his dry response, it only left me to think if he was not happy to hear of my coming.

The sudden rush to leave after the grand opening couple months back, I thought they were done fighting. I guess not.

I walk outside the office that I coop myself in as I greet some costumers who make their way in.

Lola walks out the elevator like a mess. Her red short hair which would bounce everywhere was now stiff. It stuck out in many places giving her the"I didn't sleep for a year look".

The shoes in her hand complimented her unique style as she does the walk of shame.

Her face redder than her hair.

She smiled at me hoping for a smile back.
Of course, it never came through.

I walk towards the elevator with the papers Justin handed me yesterday.

Justin and Lola have been hanging out a lot. Not that I cared. Lola would visit the Hotel during work hours to "catch up" with Justin. She would smile at me like we were the best of friends and go hop on Justin.

Literally.

I don't care what he chooses to do with her. I don't care that she's opening her legs to my business partner during working hours.

Yes, I do.

I couldn't get myself in check as hard as I tried. My heart beats uncontrollably with just the mention of his name.

As if he put a spell on me. The way my name slips out his tongue makes me want to do things that I'll regret later.

I couldn't stop fantasizing about him.

It's not like I haven't seen any masculine beautiful men out there. I have in fact.

Justin's isn't anything special.

I need to stop myself from thinking of all these romantic fantasies about him. Yet I can't. He affected me and he knew it and so did I.

But I know to stop from getting ahead of myself.

These walls have been broken plenty of times and I sat there and let it happen. I waited for the heartbreak I knew was coming. What a fucking fool I was. My heart believed in only the good in people.

So I let them break me. I let them get to me and use me so they could figure out what they wanted themselves.

Love never favored me. I thought many times I found the one but they were all just screw ups.

That is because I was the toy on the shelf they took out to play with until they decided they rather get a different one to take home.