Heartbreak Hotel • jb( EDITING)

June 20,1999

The bright nail polish chipped as I rapidly bit my fingernails. It was a nervous habit. Lola was becoming her cherry self again, she's called a few times to let me know she's living the dream. 

Her lawyer-boyfriend seemed to keep her happy. Very happy. Almost too happy.

Jenna pretended as if nothing went on that day in my car, the wedding was only a few months away, and yet again I was nervous.

For Jenna, but also myself. I don't know who to take. I, myself should be enough. Jenna, however, is expecting me to bring a "lover" and dare I say it, all she did was mention Justin.

I couldn't stand the fact the thought of me and Justin came across her brain. Physically? Yes, I was fine with him physically. But there were no emotional connections.

He didn't charm me into falling in love with him, that's for sure.

Luckily, Justin didn't come to the main floor all day, I almost thought he was dead for a split second.

Him and all his sweet glory that tempted me was nowhere to be found down here. I feared for myself that maybe I would be the one to jump at him and claw his clothes off as if we were animals.

I spun in my chair as my brain clouded with thoughts. Patrick's letters seemed to come to a halt. I haven't received any new ones. It freaked me out a bit to the point I started to write one to him.

I didn't know how to tell him how I really felt. The friendship we once had, took years to develop such a trust.  I couldn't break it because of some foolish crush.

Or well, that was, before Patrick confessed that his love for me was ever since. Denying his love could be life-changing, our lives could become so different and apart.

Something exactly that I don't want to happen would happen.

I snap out my thoughts as the door to the office flies open hitting the wall. The screeching noise of the lock hitting the wall made me cringe.

Justin waltz into the room, his pale fingers and bruised knuckles stuffed into the pocket of his dress pants. His other hand holding up a burrito. His face contoured into a hard glare. The sleeves of his white button-down were raised to his elbows.

He raised his hand to shuffle his fingers through his golden dark locks. Tugging the hair at the end to release some sort of frustration, he made no effort to make eye contact.

"I just need to grab something." He says.

"Knock next time, I could've been looking at a porn magazine." I retort reminding him of our last encounter.

He clears his throat as he rolls his eyes.

"I'd  enjoy watching you get off so no, next time I probably won't knock." He says giving me a wink.

"Asshole." I mutter under my breath, but it was loud enough for his big ears to hear.

"What was that sweetheart?" He walks closer, his voice raspy and hot on my face.

I turn around. I couldn't help but feel so weak for him. He made my stomach do flips and I hated it. I couldn't control myself around him  but that won't stop me from acting normal. I wanted to show him he had no effect on me.