Numb- Demi Lovato and Nick Jonas

15

Demi

"Nick... it's been six months. How long are you going to hate me for? You can't dodge me forever."

I hung up the phone after leaving him yet another voicemail, and tossed the device onto my bed with a loud groan. I had my reasons for leaving that night. I had laid in bed with him, watching his face as he slept. I had found myself smiling when his nose twitched, or his eyebrows furrowed. I had butterflies in my stomach just from him pulling me closer, or nuzzling into my neck. I realized how much I truly was in love with him.

In that moment of realization I could picture us together. We could get married, have a few kids, and eventually grow old together doing what we loved. I saw it, and I loved it. My heart craved that, the family I never had growing up.

But I left.

I had seen that picture my entire life, but for the most part, the person I loved enough to spend the rest of my life with had a blurred face. I had no one to place there. Eventually, the face had morphed into Wilmer's, and I thought that was it for me. After we broke up, it blurred again.

I wasn't ready for the face to turn into Nick's.

I wasn't ready to give everything to someone again. I didn't have anything left in me to give, and Nick deserved the world. He deserved someone who could make him feel like he was the only thing that mattered. The person he loved should be able to love him back unconditionally. Someone who will love him with everything they have.

That someone isn't going to be me.

I wish I had figured that out before we made love, before I told him I loved him back, before we had even had our first kiss. Now I had lost the man I loved, and my best friend. It's exactly what I was afraid would happen, exactly what Nick promised would never happen.

~*~

Eventually, after a tough-love conversation with Mike Bayer, I managed to pick myself up out of the lake of self-pity I had been wallowing for the past few months. Now I found myself in the car, on the way to Phil's office to hear his pitch on an idea.

"Demi?"

I looked up from my phone to see Kelsey smiling at me. "Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you're back." She said hesitantly, not wanting to cross a line.

"Thanks, Kels. It feels good to be back."

"And if you ever want to talk about what happened... I know you don't want anyone to know, but really, you can trust me."

I smiled softly and nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."

We got to the office building, and took the elevator up to the top floor. Phil was waiting for me as the doors opened, giving me a wide smile.

"Hey Demi, how are you?"

"Good." I gave him a careful smile. "Although I have a feeling I'm not going to like what you're trying to make me do."

"Oh, I think you'll like it." He laughed. "Come on, everyone's already here."

I followed him to the conference room, but as I walked in it seemed to go in slow motion. Across the  empty room, at the head of the huge table, Nick sat, his elbows on the table with his hands folded in front of him. When Phil cleared his throat, his head raised, and I bit my lip when his eyes widened and an angry expression took over his face.

"What is this, Phil?"

"Call in an intervention." Phil closed the door behind me, leaving Kelsey and the rest of my team out, then sat down in the middle of the table. I took the seat at the other end of the table, facing Nick. "Look... I don't know what the hell is going on with you two. This time last year you were practically inseparable. You two co-own a recording label, and have a lot of other commitments that I've had to push because you two can't get your shit together. So, you're going to sit in this room together until you work things out. I'll be back in a little while to make sure both of you are still alive." With that he walked out of the room, leaving Nick and I staring at each other across the table.

"This is bullshit." He stated cooly, and stood up. "I'm leaving."

The moment those words left his lips, the lock on the door clicked, and he sighed, slumping back down into his seat.

Neither of us spoke for a full five minutes.

"Nick..." I swallowed hard and looked out the window. "I'm sorry."

"For what exactly?" He asked, in a snide tone. "For sleeping with me and then leaving? For telling me you love me and then leaving? Or was it for making me think we actually had a chance right before you ripped it away?"

"All of the above." I shook my head and looked down. "I think about it everyday."

"Right." He spat out. "Because I'm sure it took such a toll on you. You were used to leaving. You did it every night for a year."

"I'm trying to explain it to you." I rubbed my face and sighed. "Nick, you have to understand... I wasn't ready for you. I couldn't be what you wanted and needed me to be."

"I didn't need or want you to be anything but you."

"No." I shook my head and finally looked at him. "You wanted me to be your girlfriend. The Demi you know is your best friend. You don't know me in that light... It's a different relationship Nick. It's a different feeling."

"I've known you for ten years, Demi. I know you better than anyone."

"No... you don't." I argued. "Wilmer knows me better than anyone, and that's because we were in a relationship for years, Nick. Do you know how many times I left him at the beginning because of the same reason I left you?"

"And what reason was that?" He asked, his voice raising.

"I was scared." I bit my lip and looked away from him. "Nick I've always been scared. There hasn't been one relationship, platonic or otherwise that I haven't managed to fuck up in some kind of way. I'm a fucked up person, and you deserve someone that's going to be able to be there when times get tough. Someone who can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that they trust you, and love you."

"So you never loved me?"

"Of course I love you." I rolled my eyes at him. "There's a difference between me leaving because I don't want to hurt you, and leaving because I don't love you. I'm still in love with you."

"You don't think I was afraid too?" Nick challenged. "Demi, I was scared shitless! Not for me, but for you! I don't exactly have the best track record. I would've hurt you at some point and I never wanted me to be the reason you do something you regret. But I wanted to try. I wanted us to be something amazing." He shook his head and looked away. "Demi when I woke up alone that day it killed something in me... I don't think I'll ever be able to be in love again. You hurt me too bad this time. I..."Nick cut off and sighed. "I don't think I'll be able to work with you on these projects anymore."

"You promised." I whispered. "Nick you promised that we would stay friends."

"That was before you told me you loved me and left me after we had sex."

"But you promised." I swallowed hard, trying to keep from crying. "You told me you wouldn't leave no matter what."

"And look where that got me." Nick looked up at the ceiling. "Look... maybe in a few years we'll reconnect, and it'll be like nothing ever happened. But right now? It's like rubbing salt in the wound. It hurts just to be around you. It hurts to look at you."

"You hate me." I concluded sadly.

"No. I love you." I looked up and he continued. "That's why it still hurts. I look at you, and I'm in love with you, but I can't have you, and it's agony."

"You can have me." I whispered. "Nick we just have to work on it."

"No..." He stood up and walked to the door. "You misunderstand me. I may be in love with you, but I don't want you... Not anymore."

Just like that, he was gone.

Yeah you leave me, Numb.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's not over...

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-Rachel