pretty//tododeku fanfiction

5

   For about the seventh time that night, Midoriya bent over the sink and spit out more mouthwash.

   His first kiss was stolen. Gone, just like that.

   Midoriya still tasted Uraraka's cherry blossom scent and still felt her moist lips press against his. It was utterly disgusting.

   So much was clouding Midoriya's mind. Questions kept bubbling to the surface and popping, releasing even more stress and confusion. At least it was the weekend. But still, that wasn't enough time. It never was.

   Todoroki's name still repeated in Midoriya's churning brain even after everything that happened. He never realized how much his first kiss meant to him until it was stolen. He wanted Todoroki to replace Uraraka. He wanted Todoroki's soft smiles that made his heart skip a beat. He wanted his soft hair, his calming personality. He wanted to hug Todoroki and cuddle on the couch and watch cheesy romance movies and tell him that everything was going to be okay and that he didn't have to worry about his parents or being the best because he already was number one in Midoriya's eyes. He wanted to apologize to Todoroki so much but he also had an increasing amount of self-doubt that he couldn't shake off with his usual confidence.

   Everything, every fantasy Midoriya ever had about how his first kiss would be taken by the strong, confident Todoroki had just vanished.

   Midoriya was such a mess; he would cry one minute and punch the wall another. He considered running to Todoroki and telling him everything that Uraraka did down to every last touch but he knew he couldn't. It would only hurt him, and the last thing Midoriya ever wanted for Todoroki was for him to feel attacked or alone. Especially by Midoriya. He couldn't begin to forgove himself if he ever did something like that.

   "Todoroki probably doesn't even think about me the way I think about him," Midoriya would say to himself, only for more teardrops to cloud his vision. He felt like the walls were going to crush him if he didn't figure out what to do; he couldn't tell anyone but he couldn't just bottle it up, either. His tears could only make so much go away.

   Midoriya sat, curled up in a ball and shaking, although he had wrapped himself in several blankets. He felt like he had cheated on Todoroki even though they haven't even confessed to each other yet or were dating. He needed Todoroki, but at the same time, he couldn't bear to look at him.

   Uraraka flashed in his mind, bringing him back to the source of the issue. Midoriya had no idea how to feel about her, either. He wanted to be mad at her. He wanted her to just leave his relationship with Todoroki alone. But then again, he wanted so many things. Things that only Todoroki could provide for him. He was so helpless in this world full of greatness and it was terrifying.

   Before long, it was 2 AM. Midoriya still didn't know how to feel, let alone act. So far, no one but Uraraka knew about what happened. Midoriya was somewhat calm, although he still wanted to cry. But if only the two of them knew what happened, there might be a chance he could persuade her to not tell anyone.

   Or it could already be too late. She could have bragged to everyone. The whole class may know. Even the lower classes. Everyone could already know. What will the cost be to make them forget? The invasive thoughts attacked Midoriya over and over. His brain was a gruesome battleground; he, in his rags armed with nothing, and his self-destructive thoughts, having every weapon imaginable under their control.

   No. Heroes don't cry. I can't cry anymore. I'm not a 4 year old kid. Heroes do not cry.

   Todoroki wouldn't cry.