Within This Moment ~ Frerard ~ slow updates

The Lights He Loves

Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale.

Gerard struggled to focus on his breathing, forcing himself to narrow all thoughts away from the sharp, near blinding pain in his abdomen. He was fully aware the more he focused on it the more it would hurt.

"Sir, I need to get you out, okay? Sir, blink twice if you understand me."

The woman's voice was harsh and the total opposite of comforting. It reeked of malice and impatience, as if she wished Gerard would flatline already so she wouldn't have to spend her time attempting to save him. If he had been in his right mind, he might've been able to find an ounce of true, earnest sympathy. That was who he was, who he was sculpted to be. Though he could find the best in anyone, seeing the bad was a lot easier.

Still, her job was to help injured or dying people, and provide them with comfort. Not to send them under the impression they're a waste of time and should haste in the process of death.

Inhale and exhale.

Red and blue lights flashed from too many different places. The ambulance was somewhere to his left and three police cars were to his right. He could see them through the cracks of his rearview mirror that was currently dangling in front of him, though his vision was distorted and blurry. The sounds and flashes of color made his headache increasingly intolerable.

Inhale and exhale.

It should hurt more. That's what every book or movie he'd ever read or seen claimed. He expected it to be excruciating. Gerard thought it would be torture. The glass striking right through the middle of his stomach should most definitely make him want to writhe in agony.

Inhale and exhale.

He just wanted to make it to the airport. He didn't even know what happened. So he might've cried just a little, or perhaps a tad more than a little, but he was positive he'd been driving securely. And out of nowhere there was a bang and a crash and a crunch. Pure blackness took over his vision before shifting into a light. It was red, and then blue. Red then blue. It was a sickening pattern.

Inhale and exhale.

"Sir, do you understand what we are going to do?" He hadn't even heard the lady explain her weird plan, but he nodded, ever so slowly anyways. Over the blare of the sirens, Gerard could hear footsteps walking away, and a new heavier set coming back.

"Alright men, if we don't remove the shrapnel just right it will damage his other organs. Weekes, Flay, you're on both sides of him. Once I take it out, you need to immediately put pressure on the wound, and attempt to stop the blood flow. Keep him steady until we can get him to the hospital." A man's voice commanded two others.

Inhale and exhale.

He heard the doors on each side of his car open, a dry squeak that he'd been meaning to fix. Gerard wasn't sure how they could even manage to get the doors open, since it was mostly the front end of his car that was wrecked. He'd have to total it. He frowned at the thought, knowing he couldn't afford a new one. Gerard wouldn't even be able to pay for the hospital bill. He thought the paramedics should just let him die right there.

Inhale... and... exhale?

If he wasn't such a fool he wouldn't be in this position. He never would've scared off his lover, then attempted to chase after him in the dead of night. It had been an escalating turn of events that eventually exploded into the form of him falling in and out of consciousness and not being able to steer away from a tree fast enough. Gerard hoped his body would be buried in the woods when he died. He felt so safe when he was surrounded by trees, which was ironic given his situation.

Fool...fool...fool...

"Sir, you need to stay with us! Stay awake! We need a gurney over here!"

His eyes were so heavy. His limbs felt like weights. Gerard just wanted to sleep. Since he had learned what death was, the concept always had fascinated him. It felt strange to be so close to it now.

"We have to get him to the ER now!"

Inhale.

Gerard thought about his love. The way his love's eyes would sparkle like glitter. How his love's cheeks would flush the most tantalizing way when Gerard would kiss his nose. How soft and sturdy his hands were when they'd fall to Gerard's hips. The same love that didn't even know just how much Gerard felt.

Exhale.

"Nurse, open the door! We need all available surgeons right now!"

His mind was engulfed by lights. Bright ones. They weren't just red-then-blue. They were red and green and violet and blue and yellow and orange. The lights made Gerard feel giddy.

'Frank.' He thought. 'Frank would love these lights.'

Then the lights disappeared. They faded into a nest of black that swelled and exploded over the walls of his consciousness. There were no more colors. Only shadows.

And he welcomed the comfort they brought.