All of the Stars

Part 11 : Despondent

Chapter trigger warning. Reader discretion advised.

Kylo sat close to you for the next few days on the ship, always finding a way to hold you or touch you, but never communicating with words. The saber also barely left your hands, it's beauty was condemning you and Kylo to a life you were barely sure you could survive.

Kylo would lift his hands from your stomach every now and then to brush his hands through his hair, but otherwise, he didn't move either.

Both of you were dreading what would happen when you returned to Snoke, Kylo was desperately trying to think of a plan.

Realising that Snoke's trust was wavering in the both of you, you knew that the only thing to please him was the murder of the girl.

But how could you kill her, how could you force Kylo to murder her?

Was this worth it?

That thought plagued your mind the most. Did Kylo love you enough to betray his master and the whole of the First Order? Would he leave behind everything for you?

Did he love you?

As you thought back, had Kylo ever said that directly? While his arms might have held you and his lips pushed into yours, had love ever escaped that mouth, had his thoughts ever opened and led you to the thought?

The questions rang through your mind, filling it endlessly like smoke swirling through an enclosed space.

You knew that you were hurtling closer and closer to the ship, soon you would be in the grasp once again of Snoke and Hux.

Even if you pleased Snoke by killing the girl, you knew it couldn't end there, Kylo knew it also.

Your life would be running, running from the First Order, running from the Resistance. Safety may not be guaranteed ever again, although you didn't know if it ever had been.

But if Kylo didn't care for you, how could he live his life like that?

You felt Kylo shift behind you, he sat up and pushed you forwards suddenly, in a gentle way but the quick movement shocked you.

You turn your head and look at him questioningly. His eyes gazed back into yours and after a couple of seconds, he inhaled, speaking.

"I must convince Hux and Snoke I am killing the girl and Luke. The whole resistance if I must." he sighed, his voice was husky from the lack of use.

You felt yourself go stiff.

"You must convince them?" You whispered back to him, your breath had been taken away by his sudden announcement. "Convince, as in, you will not kill them?" You let a bubble of hope blossom somewhere near your heart, but it was burnt by his strong unwavering gaze.

"No. I must kill them. It will be the only way." He said it in a resigned fashion, he was sure there was no other way. "There is no other way," He said, reading your mind.

"But... You can't just... Murder them..." You keep your voice low, but behind it, you can hear a pathetic whimper, you sound like a child.

Kylo runs his hand through his hair.

He didn't bother keeping his thoughts locked away, he thought you were acting childishly too. You had known all along that this was the only path, you were just too weak to announce it.

"There is no other way around this Y/N. We have to escape together." His voice is devoid of warmth. "You wanted this. You wanted to be together. There is no other way to hide now anyway." He gestures down at your saber, lying abandoned.