Light It Up | ✔ | #2

Chapter 13 -

"Wake up," a voice urged, shaking her.

Sophie groaned, only snuggling deeper into the warmth. Her entire body was content, and she wasn't planning on going anywhere anytime soon.

"Hey, I have a question for you," the voice said again, and this time, she distinguished Keefe.

"You can ask it while I have my eyes closed," she mumbled.

"Did I...was I the reason you had a panic attack?" Keefe asked hesitantly, in a strained voice.

Sophie stiffened. Should she tell him the truth? Wait, he would know either way. It was no use. "You know the answer to that."

"Oh."

"You're not the same person you used to be, you know?" Sophie blinked blearily, taking short glances at him. "I don't know why I thought you were. That was stupid." Yet the sense of stupid disappointment remained.

"I still have feelings for you," Keefe blurted out suddenly, a pink tinge on his cheeks. He covered it up by brushing his lips to her forehead. "Sophie, I didn't want to leave you."

A small blossom of hope bloomed in her heart, but she crushed it steadily, reminding herself that she couldn't be forgiving. Six years wasn't nothing. Frustration crawled to life in her chest and a bit of anger ignited. "I can't forgive something like this, Keefe." Sadness was almost too evident in her voice, as her eyes welled up once again. She kept her gaze on the floor, cautious.

"What can I do to make it up to you?" He pleaded, stroking her cheek with his finger. "I don't want you to be out of my life now that you're back in it. You were always my biggest regret, and I'm not losing you again." The quiet determination surprised her.

Sophie shook her head, glancing at him with her eyes gleaming, threatening to spill over. She heard him suck in a sharp breath at her. "I need...I don't understand what I need. But I need to trust you, for this to work." She looked away again. "Every instinct in me is screaming not to." A stubborn tear streaked down her cheek, but before she could rub it away, he wiped it off.

"Don't cry, Foster," Keefe said softly, his eyes closing briefly. "It's not worth it."

The reference was from six years ago, and Sophie knew it meant that he wasn't worth it. She remembered how she'd so defiantly thought that he was, with every beat of her heart.

Yet, when it had come down to the last six years, she'd spent the entire time trying to convince herself that he wasn't. It hadn't worked, but it had helped her strange grief of depression a bit.

"Six years ago, I thought that it was." The thought seemed to make his head snap up. "I did. But now, I'm not sure it would be the truth."

"I hate when I hurt you," Keefe murmured, husky. His shoulders slumped.

Sophie felt a lump rise in her throat, and anger bubbled to the surface of her messed up self. "Well, you should've thought of that before you decided to leave without a goodbye! I tried to contact you—by imparter, transmission, anything. You could've told me once, even once. I thought you were dead!" Her voice cracked on the last word, and tears started rolling down both of her cheeks. She used her hair to shield her face.

The first time she opened up to someone, let them see her vulnerability, and it was Keefe. The one person she'd swore she wouldn't let plague her thoughts any longer.

Sophie wiped the tears she had let fall, regretting that she'd gotten all emotional over this again. This wasn't about six years ago. It was about now.

She stared at the boy in front of her, taking in every piece of him. He seemed unsettled, his face so distraught it made her want to wrap him in a soothing embrace.

But this was more hurtful to him. She was really the victim in the story, and she was determined not to let him turn the tables when she'd been bleeding for longer than he had.

"You were my first love," Sophie whispered, so that it was barely audible to him, even. She lifted her tear-stained face, the trails sticky along her cheeks. "My first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first commitment. You have no idea how much it hurt to refuse both Fitz and Dex for you, so hard. I never wanted to choose between any of you, really, but when it was time, I chose you. I chose you because I believed that you would treat me right." The words were said firmly, emotion flooding her undertone.

"Sophie," he breathed, his ice-blue orbs fixed on her.

She met them, unashamed of herself. "I stayed faithful to you, you know. I haven't had any sort of romantic relationship with anyone, ever. I really did move away because of you, Keefe. I moved away because everywhere, somehow, I would find a memory of us always popping up, the grief as fresh as ever. I didn't stop grieving for six years—I thought you were dead, as there was nothing more that could provide a clear explantion. I cut myself off. I secluded myself from everyone, including my friends and family. When I finally decided that I wanted to move to the Lost Cities, I'm pretty sure the Council only agreed because they thought I would end up killing myself by living the way I was. I came here to let go, and then I find you."

Keefe winced, squeezing his eyes shut as though remembering what it must've been like back then for her. Or maybe he was imagining what he'd gone through.

"You've no idea how frustrated, panicked, scared, even, I was to see you in that math class. It was like fate had come back to flay me on an altar with you standing there, watching. I didn't want to get hurt again. I still don't. But you keep opening fresh wounds, Keefe. Every memory from when I was young, naïve, believing that you would never leave me because we had true love and took it one step at a time." Sophie took a shaky, rattled breath. "You make me feel vulnerable even when I'm even twenty feet away. People say that I should let go of the past, but I can't. We have too much history, you and I."

"I'm sorry," he apologized, his face stretched with unrecognizable emotions.

"It's not your fault," she replied, puzzled.

"Not for that." Keefe inhaled. "Despite what you just implied, I want to try another relationship with you." When she let the silence stretch, he broke it. "Sophie, go on a date with me?"

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Author's Note -

Well, that got sappy pretty fast, or should I say intense? Wasn't my intention, but whatever.

This is actually probably my longest chapter so far in this book/story thingy. That was a lot of writing, way more than I expected.

What did you all think? Vote, comment, share. And possibly follow<3

For those of you that don't know, Friday is my official updating day for almost all of my works. If you could check some of my other stuff out, I'd appreciate it.

Love you all,

Owl~