Recollections Of A Naughty Muslimah

Crutches

I've never been lucky in the friends department. Of course I've had friends. Tons of them. Friends from junior classes, friends from senior classes, friends from my own class, friends at school, friends at college, friends at masjid, friends' friends, friends on networking sites, certain people who I assumed to be friends but who turned out otherwise. I've always had friends but they had all had one thing common in them - the inability to stay. Coming to think of it they never stayed. None of them did.

I'm not sure what made them leave - the changing times, their busy schedules, their deteriorating interest in me or them finding someone else. Someone better. Whatever the reason may be, the truth is that there was no effort from their side to maintain our friendship or to even consider what I would go through. I've always hated being demoted, being put second best but that was exactly what they did to me.

I have visibly seen and felt people preferring someone else over me and it has cut me more than I'd like show. Most times while I had been nursing the wounds my supposedly friends had caused me, they had conveniently chosen to walk away. I never stopped them though. I let them leave. I didn't do anything to salvage our friendship because once a glass is broken, no one can ever put them back without the cracks being obvious. I didn't want the cracks so I let them leave.

The more this process repeated, the more cautious I became. I knew for sure I did not want to be hurt. I did not want those painful things to repeat again. I did not want to be the extra one who was left all alone during the twelfth grade excursion to an entirely different state. I did not want to be the one who keeps flitting from group to group for company after being stood up by the supposed partner. I did not want to be unheard because people believed what the other said was true.

I did not want to be left for someone else. I did not want to be the second choice, the second option, the spare piece. I did not want to be the last to be picked and the first to be thrown. I simply did not; but I was all of this. I was all of this and more. There are pieces of me and stories of mine that I try to ignore.

I managed school by ignoring it all, just navigating and never really seeing and after twelfth grade, college started off good for me although its own set of problems tagged along but along with it, my crutches tagged along too! Yes, you read it right - my crutches! Nope. Not the metal or the plastic ones people use as a walking aid. These are human crutches. With flesh and bones and meat. My two crutches, although given their height, I think chopsticks is a much more suitable term for them!

The first ever memory I have of them is them sitting together on the last bench, keeping to themselves, not talking much to others. I thought that they were 'high and mighty' initially. I mistook their reserved nature for arrogance. Initially, I had no idea that they were to become the very reason why my college days would become bearable later on. I really did not!

I, being the class representative sitting right in the first bench and them being slightly more reserved people at the back bench, an unexpected RI (Religious Instruction) class I had conducted was what brought us close at first. They had missed college the day I was made to take class and hearing everyone talk about it the next day, they wanted to know all about it. They approached me. We got talking and talking and talking. We didn't seem to stop. There was so much of knowledge to share! For the first time in their college life they went late to their Hindi class! That was an accomplishment per se!

With time we grew closer. Six of us including my crutches and I made the last bench our domain. From first year to the second year to the final year we've stayed together. Even though there are six of us, my crutches could understand me better than the rest. I lean onto them for support and company and for everything else.

They've really been my crutches by helping me go on. They've listened with a patient ear, they've given criticism when I needed. From doing project work to participating in competitions; from fangirling over my characters to urging me for an update; from escaping to canteen during free hours to guffing our mouth with fast-food from stalls outside our college; from accompanying me to the masjid to informing me what sort of vehicles are available during bus strikes; from planning what to study to planning our little trips which we never got the chance to execute - they've been there for me. I have made them wait for me numerous times; they have waited. I have dragged them into my mess; they've entered willingly. There have been days I simply wanted to give up on everything after being hurt by abrasive words and actions; they have understood. There have been days when all I wanted was some moral support and a warm hug; they've given me that too. They've scoured Facebook and Instagram to dig up dirt on a certain someone; went as far as asking their ex classmates to gather information too. All that because they knew I was being pushed into a trap and that I disliked it immensely.

They had understood me. Deeply. I cannot thank Allah enough for it.

Thank you buddies. I don't know what I would have done without you people. Thank you. Know that I love you deeply and know that I'm gonna come after you with a shotgun if you even think of moving away or forgetting me after college. Three years weren't enough. I want more.

There are three more months for college life to come to an end but I do not want our friendship to come to an end along with it. I know all three of us have different priorities and are unsure of what to do after these three months. Whatever we choose to do, it's not going to be the same. This campus won't see us together with our backpacks again. I ask nothing more of you two than to stay in contact. I ask of you to not let me become a name in your contact list. Please remain what you are today to me. Perhaps we'd finally get a chance to execute our trips when we are the *ahem* boss and not have to ask permission to our parents. I suggest we force those three to become friends too so we could leave them on their own and go enjoy little trips together. Three years went away in a jiffy dearies. I want a lifetime together and Insha'Allah your company in Jannah too! Ameen!

*****

Say Masha'Allah people! Please 🙃