The G(r)ay Area

Part Twenty-Six

Part Twenty-Six

White knuckled-hands gripped the steering wheel, unable to let go and relax. The radio was silent. The engine was humming softly in the background.

In front of me was the school.

Mom let me skip a few days but she was making me go back. Schools didn't like when students skipped just because of relationship problems. They didn't care, either.

I couldn't get myself out of the car. I couldn't get myself to go inside and act like I was okay. Not when Lucas wasn't with me. How was I supposed to get through the day? Where was I supposed to sit at lunch? My life had been all about Lucas. When would it ever be about me?

I took one hand off the wheel and put it on the gear shift. I pulled it into drive and left the parking lot.

The road in front of me was so familiar. The cracks in the pavement were still the same. The trees that lined the road were still the same. Everything was exactly as I remembered it.

I slowed down and stared at a deer that was eating grass just a few feet into the trees. It would eat for a few seconds then look around, waiting for someone or something to sneak up on it.

"I don't know how to talk to you, Aiden. I don't know what you like to do or who your friends are or..."

"Or what?"

"Do you even have a girlfriend?"

I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath. What if I liked girls? What if I was pushing the thought away because I was with Lucas? What if I was so stupidly infatuated with Lucas that I pushed away any feelings I had for anyone else?

I ran my sweaty palms on my thighs.

"Dad-"

"I'm not trying to pry, honest. I just... don't know you anymore, Aiden."

Who was I without Lucas? I wasn't someone who was funny or smart or friendly. I was always Lucas's boyfriend. Never my own individual person. What could I have been for all those years? Could I have been funny? Could I have been smart? Friendly? Could I have done something with my life to make me stand out around others?

"You've never tried, dad. You spend all your time in the garage and if you ever wanted to do anything with me, it's something you want to do."

Would things still be different if my dad was still alive?

I pressed on the gas and started driving down the road. The deer lifted his head and watched me, stared at me. Like I was the deer.

A deer caught in the headlights.

Metal screeched as it came in contact with other metal and glass shattered into a million pieces. The road became littered with glass and metal and... blood.