I don't know how to explain the mental place im in right now . it seems so far from being comparable to a physical place but if it was , that place would be day & night & sunny & stormy & absolutely breathtaking & strikingly hideous all at once & there would be so much pressure in the air that exhaling feels like suffocating & you think you're so close to dying but then you inhale . & when you do , everything is so gorgeous in such a fragile way for a second . you never really quite know where you are but you still feel at home . it's empty & full but mostly empty , you don't mind . there'd be a really tall mountain with everything you've ever wanted at its peak & then there'd be a flat plain of alright-ness that you'll choose rather than the mountain until maybe one day you'll feel ready to climb the mountain . until then you're just waiting . well I think it'd be something like that anyways .
