Merry-Sue And The Sword Of Ther

Why Does Everyone Just Assume Vampires Are Hot?

As the morning sun made its way up the horizon, Boris kept a steady pace on his journey down the mountain, carrying Merry-Sue on his back. The cave girl was buried in her thoughts, struggling to devise a plan on how to execute a rescue mission in the vampire kingdom. She'd only ever visited that place once; that was when her father tried to force-bond herself and the vampire king Johnson. . . Uncle Johny, as Bernie insisted. Merry-Sue shivered. Being surrounded by darkness and unpleasant, blood-thirsty creatures of the night was not a particularly non-traumatic experience.

King Bernie was kind of a poor judge of character. (He downright had zero social skills.) From the moment he was somehow, by some miracle unbeknown to all his subordinates, designated king, Bernie perpetuated mistaking Johnson's courtesy as friendship. The vampire king was merely soliciting a formal, mutually solidary relationship with the neighboring kingdom. Bernie immediately construed this as a friendship invitation and decided to take his 4 year old daughter into the midst of a bunch of human-hating vampires. Johnson did not want to instigate a feud or offed the new king, so he allowed it; though he was not particularly thrilled with the "Uncle Johny" refferances.

Needless to say, it did not end well. In fact, it ended with Merry-Sue in a coffin and forever scarred with the prospect of dark, tight spaces and creepy dudes with fangs.

Merry-Sue cringed as she reminisced of the old, traumatizing memories. The unfortunate bit was that, besides the vivid, jarring depiction of herself lying alone in complete darkness and thinking about how she would soon be depleted of all her precious blood and left for dead, she really had no other recollections of what the vampire mountain looked like. She wouldn't even know where to start looking for Tom or Johnson or Junior. Although, not finding Junior wouldn't be so bad.

If only Becky were here; the two of them could devise some ludicruous, yet just short of impossible, plan that just might work and most certainly would annoy Rachel.

Merry-Sue sighed nostagically and hugged Boris's neck from behind, wrapping her arms about halfway around his huge dinosaur limb. Surely, the two of them weren't the ones who wanted to get rid of her. . . So, who did? Merry-Sue began worrying; someone apart from the scientists and the sisters had to have out that she wasn't a normal, 21st century girl. What if it was someone influential, like the Wellingtons? They certainly spent enough time with, well, around her to notice she was pretty strange. Would they sanction Rachel and Becky for harboring a cave girl?

Merry-Sue needed a way to go back to the future and figure out what happened before it was too late. . . Though she did have about 5.000 years. There was no way she was spending the rest of her life next to an incompetent father and power-crazed mother now that she knew better options existed. She just needed a practical way to re-open those options.

Merry-Sue was cut off from her thoughts when Boris halted before the barrier of the cave kingdom. He waited for Merry-Sue's word before proceeding. The cave girl sensed that her dinosaur was uneasy; he had never been outside the borders of the kingdom.

"It's alright boy," she cooed, patting his back gently, "Want me to walk with you?"

Merry-Sue slid down Boris's back and began half-running alongside him. She was restless sitting still anyway.

The kingdom of vampires was much more imposing from afar than Merry-Sue had imagined it. Its borders were lined with a high fence (Yes, vampires had already invented metal, the humans just hadn't stolen it yet.) and the enterance guarded by two threatening figures. It was difficult to tell from such a distance, but Merry-Sue figured they were just two particularly large vampires. They seemed to be armed with fire power, but they weren't shooting it at Merry-Sue and Boris yet, so that was good. Merry-Sue wondered how close she could get before they decided it was too close. Looking above the barrier to the kingdom, Merry-Sue's heart sank. The mountain seemed to be composed of an intricate cave system. She could see innumerable enterances to the subterrainian tunnles that must represent the vampire's living quarters. The only things above ground were some shady military equipment and what looked like a prototype power plant.