im here // phan

twenty nine

back to phils perspective. last two chapters so they may be a bit longer.

Today was the day. The fucking day. I had to decide if my mum had to die or if Dan had to die. I was not ready at all. Also, knowing that my dad is a killer too? That's a burden that I won't be lifting any time soon. Dan thought that he was the one who was going to kill him or my mum, but I couldn't even begin to think like that. We would find out soon enough though. 12 hours until we had to be at the park.

Dan came barging into the apartment with PJ by his side, and I could most certainly tell they had just gotten back from burying Chris. PJ's face was very red, and Dan looked very upset. His face looked as though smiling would pain him.

One thing I was very confused about was how Dan didn't even do anything about his Dad. He mourned his death, but he did not even want to have a funeral or anything. Dan had a very interesting way of dealing with things, and I guess this was just a part of it.

"Home!" Dan yelled, even though I was standing right there looking at them.

"I am literally right here, Dan." I sighed, and he just chuckled. How could I let him die?

"That's the point doof." Dan scoffed, and this time PJ and I were laughing.

"Did everything go alright?" I implored. Dan shot PJ a look, and he nodded.

"Yes, everything went wonderfully." Dan answered. PJ found his way to the couch, flopping down with a sigh. I felt so bad for him. Chris was his Dan, and I guess we would be feeling the same sort of pain shortly.

Wait, no. What am I saying? Dan is not going to die while I am living. There has to be something I can do! Some loop hole...

"Phil, have you finally come to terms with the fact that I will be dying?" Dan asked. PJ looked at Dan like he had three heads, and I tried to say something, but my words choked me. I shook my head back and forth.

"Dan, why did you ask that?" PJ spoke out, and Dan sighed. His face went a little white.

"Phil needs to come to terms with that. I am going to be a decent person and say that his mom should not have to die in place of me. That just seems pretty stupid, know what I mean?" Dan said, sitting down next to PJ on the couch. I stayed standing, leaning on the wall next to the couch.

"What if I die? Wait, no, I'm afraid to die so uhm, I...uhh..." I babbled, fiddling with my fingers. I could feel my face grow red.

Dan leaned forward on the couch, "Phil, you need to look at me," he mumbled, "I am going to die. In 12 hours, I will say my last goodbyes to you and then I will be shot. My blood will spew—"

PJ shoved his hand over Dan's mouth, and I wanted to thank him, "I think that's enough of that gory description." He cautioned, slowly taking his hand off of Dan's mouth and leaning back. 

I looked down at my trainers, one shoe loosely tied and the other tied tightly, "Thank you PJ, because I think I was about to break down and cripple to the floor if that didn't stop." I blurted, gazing up at Dan for a moment.

PJ smiled for a split second, "Of course, bud." He replied, looking from Dan to me.

Dan bit his lip slyly, "I was joking around. But seriously, you have decisions to make. The smart one is to let me die." Dan faltered, his voice breaking off at the end.

PJ adjusted his glasses, then looked at me, "Phil, honestly I know that this is incredibly hard here. But take this into consideration; Dan wants to die and your mum does not." He pointed out, and upon realizing he was right, I wanted to burst into tears.

Dan started to tap his foot, filling the void of silence, "He's right Phil. Why put a woman who doesn't want to die to death when a boy who wants to die could be put to death instead?" Dan said, standing up from the couch and walking over to me. He grabbed my hands in his, and squeezed them.

I squeezed his hands back, "I can't loose you. I just got you." I whined. Dan shocked me with a kiss right on the lips, but I kissed him back gently. Dan was a good kisser. He always started with a little peck, then came back to steal you some more. It was attractive. I heard the shuffling of feet - which I assumed was PJ - but I just kept my lips on Dan's. His lips were soft. It was like he always had lip balm on, which made me feel insecure because I had cracked up lips. Dan didn't seem to mind.

Suddenly, I heard a little click, but Dan kept me pulled into the kiss so I couldn't move out from his grip. Then, PJ spoke, "Got it!" He announced. Dan released me from the kiss, walking over to PJ, who was shaking a Polaroid photo.

Dan's face lit up, "It's perfect. PJ, the superb photographer," Dan said, walking back over to me. He handed me the Polaroid, and it was a perfectly snapped shot of us kissing. I could feel the moment come back just from that photo. It felt like magic.  "This is for you. When I am gone, please remember this moment and smile. Look at it and remember me. Remember everything we went through together, even our silly fight before I realized my feelings for you. Look back on it and cry if you want. Cry when you remember me. I want that to be what I leave behind, at least a memory." He spilled.

PJ flashed us a smile, "I will be at the park in 12 hours. See you guys then." He said, and waved bye to us. He walked out the door, gently closing it behind him.

I wrapped Dan up in the tightest hug I had ever given, "I will miss you a lot, but if you want, you can die tonight."