Sugar free gummy bears

A day that will go down in infamy

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April 25, 2014 - A day that will live in infamy – I was suddenly and deliberately attack by these evil gummy bears

It all started the day prior when my sugar tooth persuaded me to eat 2 handfuls of these sugar-free delights. Fast forward 15 hours 23 minutes and 44 seconds, the world shook. All hell broke loose inside me, a sudden headache, my skin began to perspire and something tore around in my abdomen with force enough to make me latch onto my couch with both hands and let out a sheer cry that sent my dog retreating into the bedroom, she probably knew the battle was already lost. I tried to make for the bathroom but the pressure was so intense I had to wait it out on the couch until a lapse in the gut-busting occurred and I regained control of my muscles. It took only moments before the volcano Mt Anus had blown its top. The air quickly turned poisonous from the methane and sulfuric fumes that spewed forth. Violence and terror are understatements of what happened for the next 45 minutes. I sustained 3rd degree burns from contact with the lava that flowed abruptly from my bowels, my blood pressure was at record levels, and my body mass was reduced by 4 lbs. After ample ventilation of the crime scene I quickly took a shower and changed clothes because the powerful fumes had soaked through the fabric and into the skin. I almost had a mental breakdown in the shower after realizing those little gummy bears had nearly defeated such a man that I thought I was. I can now hardly bare to look forward through the night-terrors and PTSD that will come of this horrid event. . .