Sugar free gummy bears

Get to know your bathroom

Andrew H.

To quote my friend Ace Ventura, ladies and gentlemen, "lend me your rears!" Absolutely everything you may have supposed or read about these tiny little gelatinous bears is 100% true! Like so many other adventurous morons before me, I thought that these reviews were over the top. My, how wrong I was. My buddy brought these sugar free gummy bears to work one day. I should have averted my eyes, but I was drawn to their beautiful colors and soft yet springy complexion. This paired with the peer pressure was too much, and before I knew it, I had downed approximately 40 of these delicious candies.
I am a man that is known for his steel stomach. Rather, I was a man that was known for his steel stomach. These bears, these little destroyers of the peace, brought me to my knees. Like little Ewoks, they battled my colon. Two hours after ingesting them, my stomach began to speak. It started out as a low growl and quickly grew to sound like an idling boat motor.
What happened next was fate. We were called to a meeting. A mandatory meeting. I was able to sit and squirm, but only for so long. Code brown was in effect! As I politely excused my self and did a half walk / half shuffle, the prairie dog was poking it's little head! I could feel my rectum expanding as gas forced the contents of my stomach downwards! I shuffle skipped at a rapid pace towards the nearest toilette. I was told later that I looked like a three-legged dog attempting to run. As I neared the porcelain, my sweet redemption, the prairie dog was emerging! Before I could get my pants to my knees, Mudbutt had arrived. It sounded like shooting an automatic shotgun into a five-gallon bucket of water, but it felt like shooting water out of a canon! The force behind that poop was nothing short of impressive. As quickly as it had happened, it went away, but not for long.
In between bathroom sessions, there have been four so far, I have been firing off shots at will. This was fun, even funny, at first. Not any more! My third rectal discharge was like throwing soup out of a jet at 10,000 feet. The fourth was similar. Surprisingly, there isn't much of a need for toilette paper. Grab a warm, wet rag instead! The poop water comes out at such velocity that the rag is needed to clean your cheeks of the bowl water blowback.
In conclusion, the only reason to purchase these little devils would be to gift them to a friend that you owe. My advise, never trust a fart.