Limerence (Chaelisa)

Chapter 4: Making Progress

I go to sleep early so that I wouldn't have to face Jisoo when she comes out of the bathroom. When I wake up the next morning, Jisoo was already out of the dorm.

I get that she cares for me. But unlike Jennie, she is too involved in everything I do.

I don't understand how Jennie and Jisoo get along so well when they are complete opposites.

I head to all of my classes and dread having to work with Chaeyoung again. I also dread the fact that I have to see Jun in my English class this afternoon.

"So," Jun says as he pulls up a chair next to my desk, "how're you and your co-worker getting along?"

I sigh in exasperation. "For god's sake, I'm not gay. Shut up."

"Okay, if you're not gay than kiss me."

"No thanks," I say, pulling on an exaggerated face of disgust.

"Any straight girl would've taken the chance to kiss me," Jun says, "which means you're—"

I smack his hand with my four-hundred-paged English textbook and he lets out a grunt of pain. "You're too full of yourself."

"Fuck off," he mutters as he massages his right hand, "but if you and that girl really do have nothing going on, I can flirt with her right? I mean, she's really hot."

I shrug. "Yeah, her name's Chaeyoung. Go hit on her all you want and maybe she'll hit you back."

"You mean she'll hit on me back?"

"No, she'll hit you."

Chaeyoung used to always beat me at arm wrestling when we were younger. She was always the stronger one.

The clock strikes four o'clock and I find myself walking back into the bubble tea shop. Chaeyoung was in the kitchen, taking off her purse and jacket. I do the same. And we do so in silence.

But the silence is too awkward and I find myself wanting to break it so badly.

"You know that guy who came to the shop yesterday?" I ask.

Chaeyoung looks over at me with an odd look. "The one with blonde hair who said he wanted to eat you when you asked him what drink he would like?"

"Yeah, that guy. His name's Jun."

"What about him?" she asks.

"He's in my English class. He said that you were hot and that he was gonna try to get you to go out with him."

Chaeyoung shifts around uncomfortably. "Well, that's nice to know," she says sarcastically. She walks out of the kitchen before anything else could be said.

Maybe that was a bad conversation topic.

I walk out of the kitchen and after serving a few customers, I try to hit up a conversation with Chaeyoung again. She might not like me, but we're stuck working with each other.

"So uh, I don't know if I should tell you this or not but..."

Chaeyoung stops playing the game on her phone to look at me. "Tell me what?"

"Jun also thinks that we're lesbian and dating," I quickly say, face reddening at how awkward the subject is.

I catch Chaeyoung's cheeks turn slightly pink, too. "Well, you told him we weren't, right?"

"Yeah," I answer hastily. "Why would we be dating? That's just so weird for us," I add.

I look into her eyes to try and see how she felt about this. It's hard to describe what I saw. I think it was a mix of sadness and loneliness in her eyes. But that makes no sense.

It's probably just because I can't read eyes and emotions.

I remember Chaeyoung telling me once that I was oblivious to everything. Which is true, since Jisoo and Jennie tell me the same thing.

"Yeah, that is weird. Speaking of dating, have you dated anyone before?" she asks.

I'm shocked. Why does Chaeyoung suddenly want to talk to me?

"Yeah, I've dated."

"Who?" Chaeyoung asks.

"Uh, it was this one guy from last year. We broke up during the summer but we're on good terms. Why?"

"Just wondering."

"Um, okay. Have you dated anyone before?"

"No," she answers, her voice a little stern. "No, I haven't."

I wonder why. I mean, Chaeyoung has the looks and everything. She could easily find a good boyfriend if she wanted to.

"Why not?"

This is probably the longest conversation we've had since we stopped being friends. Since that big fight in the school's restroom.

"Just don't feel like any of them are..." her voice trails off as she tries to think of the right words, "I just don't think any of them could work out. Like it's not meant-to-be, you know?"

I don't know. Maybe because I don't think too much of romantic relationships. But I nod my head and try to understand what she's saying. I mean, at least Chaeyoung is saying something.

Progress.

"Never really thought of that before," I admit. "I don't think about falling in love. It just happens."

"You don't worry about finding someone to be with for the rest of your life?"

"No. I don't stress myself out with things like that. Do you?"

"I suppose I do..."

Yes. Chaeyoung's walls are coming down. She still trusts me enough to tell me something personal like this.

I lay a hand on her shoulder. "Don't. It's not a big deal. Live what life gives you."

"And what if life doesn't give me what I want?"

"Then what you wanted wasn't meant to be."

"But what if I really want it."

"Well, I suppose you can manipulate life sometimes."

"If that's the case then I suppose I will manipulate life a little," Chaeyoung says, her lips curving into a smirk-like smile.

I'm confused.