Limerence (Chaelisa)

Chapter 8: We Just Screwed Up

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I kissed Lisa.

And I liked it.

Oh, my god. This is so wrong. This is so, so wrong.

I need to stop. I need to control myself. But sadly, I can't just flip a switch and turn off my feelings for Lisa.

Lisa is probably horrified. Or terrified. Maybe even traumatized. Probably all three.

This sucks.

There is something seriously wrong with me.

I know that someone doesn't love me yet I still love them so much no matter what. I mean, sure, Lisa loves me. But she loves me in a non-romantic way. She loves me in a friendly way.

And she's so fucking oblivious.

Her friends haven't even met me properly yet and they already have an idea of what my feelings for Lisa are.

When Lisa moved schools six years ago, I was heartbroken. Every time I went outside I would always keep an eye out for her. When university started last year, I had searched all over campus only to sadly realize that Lisa hadn't enrolled in the same university as me.

I've been wanting to see her for so long.

And now I have the chance to fix our broken friendship and see her every day but I'm doing nothing but pushing that chance away.

Because a friendship with Lisa will only make me want her more, but I can't have her, and that'll only lead to me getting hurt all over again, and I don't want to get hurt.

But somehow, both Lisa and I are hurting right now. I'm only making things worse. I'm such an emotional trainwreck.

I don't know what to do in order for both of us to be happy.

If only Lisa returned my feelings for her.

———

Chaeyoung runs away from me before I could say anything else.

I just screwed up, didn't I?

Why is everything I do with Chaeyoung so awkward? Why am I so awkward around her? Why am I like this? Why must I ruin everything? What is wrong with me?

I gently rub my lips.

Never thought I would be kissed by a girl.

Never thought that I would actually...like it?

And I say that as a question. I mean, it felt good—or different—or unique. I can't really describe it. But it wasn't bad. No, not even close to bad.

Awkward? Yes. Will it completely ruin the whatever relationship Chaeyoung and I have built up ever since we saw each other that day after six years? Yes, but I'm praying to god that I can still somehow miraculously fix it.

author's note: short chapter, i know. apologies for not updating for an entire month (maybe more than a month i can't remember) but i have reasons as to why i didn't update for such a long time. first of all, i have school, which is currently kicking me in the ass. secondly, i'm kinda on a writer's block. i realized that the plot of this story is really similar to the plot of a book that i read a few months ago, so i'm trying to figure out what i could do to make it different since i don't want to copy someone else's idea. as for future updates, i can't promise anything. i have part of the next chapter written out and i hope to have it posted as soon as possible!

(yes i am aware that the author's note takes up a huge chunk of this chapter i am trash)

(i also promised myself that i would not write long author's notes like this because i find long author notes like these to be annoying but here i am)