Fire Starter ♔ Bellamy Blake [1]

11| H U N T

F I R E  S T A R T E R|

I D I D N T  B O T H E R  S L E E P I N G

in my tent last night.

I didn't bother sleeping at all. But I already predicted that'd happen as it's been happening for the last five years or so.

My muscles felt so strained and my head grew tight from the events of the evening yesterday. Despite feeling the restlessness overcome me after the adrenaline had been washed away and unable to relish shutting my eyes for ten minutes at a time, I was in no mood to add gas to the fire by leaving myself vulnerable to my wretched thoughts. They're always most active when the sun goes down and I'm alone.

Loneliness is dangerously addicting.

Once you get a sip of it, you don't wanna deal with people anymore. It doesn't matter if it causes you pain. The pain is addicting too. At some point you feel guilty for being happy, for not feeling lonely and sad.

So I stayed outside in the same spot I'd been in when I finally got my dinner. Having to wait two days on an empty stomach is a sure way of torture. Having to hike the amount we did on an empty stomach wasn't a whole new level-it was a completely different battle field.

When my teeth bit into the meat, I was succumbed to bliss I never thought I'd go through. It's probably because I waited so long otherwise I would've questioned why panther meat tasted so damn good. First meal I have that'd not been tampered with or loaded with medication is cooked panther.

Who would've guessed.

The blonde headed Charlotte slept on my lap for the night. She helped keep my thoughts busy as I compared her persona to Blondie number one. Both are very different I learned quickly, no doubt, as I don't think Blondie would ever let me stroke her hair until she dropped her guard low enough to fall into quiet snores. Don't get me wrong, I'd do it if she asked. Her hair looks nice from afar but she'd think I'm weird if I tried.

Then I subconsciously thought about the similarities between Charlotte and Nova. If my math is correct-it most likely isn't- they should roughly be around the same age. That's the closest I went to picking at my black hole of despair. The subject is so tender and fragile, one wrong thought and I'm tearing down my rationality from the inside out.

No matter how I look at things-the two were the definition of opposite. Nova was such a charismatic kid who paid attention to the little details of life although the majority of her's was spent in a metal room. Charlotte seems sweet but not charismatic or as exciting. Her potential can't show if she can't grab hold of the internal war in her head and learn a way to cope over her parent's death. Its all observations so maybe I'm wrong.