Let Me In [YOONMIN]

Nineteen

TRIGGER WARNING: suicide attempt...
Yoongi's POV

I was astonished that Jimin left me because he discovered the dark side of my life. I never told anyone about it, I've never been able to open up to anyone about this horrible job I took. I didn't need it, I never needed money but I just loved the rush and thrill of risking my life trying to carry these drugs around the world and also seeing the world.

I've only done it for a few years while in college. My freshman and sophomore year I mostly did online because of all the travel. I decided to settle and since I met Jimin, I wanted to quit but things didn't turn out the way I hoped.

I was going to tell him eventually, but it was hard to earn his trust. Though, what ever trust he had in me was gone, I was never going to have him back. I gave him space, I gave him months of space and he went silent. I saw him around school, he wasn't with anyone but only God knows who he was sleeping around with.

I thought I'd be able to get over him, but I only kept getting more depressed. I couldn't do it anymore, I had to reach out to him to see if he still cared about me.
I decided to give a try and text him after so long.

Yoongi: Jimin. It's been months, and you still won't talk to me. Please, please forgive me already. I haven't done anything, I've been focusing on my studies, I still want you.

Jimin: I said no. Why are you texting me after all this time? Get over me already. I'm over you.

Yoongi: because I still feel for you. I know it was a short time that we were together, but I need you. You may not need me, but I do. I can't do this anymore. You're the only one I've been able to open up to.

Jimin: I'm sorry. I'm sorry yoongi. But we are over, extinct, history. I don't want you anymore.

I guess I had my answer. I just wanted to die, I knew I would never open up to anyone else in my life, I never wanted to open up so I could avoid exactly this. I couldn't do it anymore, I ruined the only love I ever had in my life. I trusted Jimin, only Jimin, and I would always keep it that way.

I decided, it was time for me to go.

I took out a piece of paper and a pen and began to write.

"Jimin, my precious baby boy, my love, the only one that truly matters to me,
I want you to know that despite my mistakes and dishonesty, I really do love you and regret everything. I regret never telling you about my past, I was just afraid of this. I never loved anyone and you know that I never opened my heart to anyone. I never knew what it's like to have someone cling onto me and never want me to leave, I never knew what it's like to wake up to such a beautiful smile, I never knew what it's like to be able to forget about my issues and spend time with someone I care about. I never been so sure about someone before. You brought light to my life, opened my eyes to more than I could ever see before. Without you, I can't live. You are the cause of my euphoria and honestly, it was just serendipity that we met, it really was. I'll never regret that. Now that I'll be gone, just remember me, find someone to love that will treat you the way I did, do the little things for you like bring you your breakfast sandwiches in the morning the way you like them, along with your coffee; more milk than coffee. Leave little notes on the coffee table before they leave for the day, make sure that the bathroom is full with your favorite soap for your baths, make sure your favorite sweater is clean and ready for you as well.  I loved taking care of you like that. Find someone that will always stand up for you when no one else will, always find a way to end an argument in a good way. Those little things baby. You deserve everything the world ever has to offer and more. I know you don't trust me but I can assure you that I'm done. If you want to come back to me, I'll be waiting for you until tomorrow around noon.. After that, it's a permanent goodbye. Life is worthless to me without you. I love you, Park Jimin.❤️"

I put the letter in an envelope and slid it under Jimin's door.
Now all I could do is wait. I didn't know what would happen, but I just hoped, hoped he would come to me, hoped he could open his heart up again and forgive me.

I went back to my dorm and laid on my bed, held Jimin's pillow that smelled like flowers and like him, even after all this time. I cried into it, I missed him; however, I was scared that I would regret taking my life so soon. Maybe later on he would regret it and want to forgive me, maybe I should've waited for him?

No I couldn't . I couldn't wait for him forever.

I cried all day, I felt like shit and it hit me the hardest that day. I felt like I lost everything I ever gained. All my life I never cared, I said to myself that I would never fall in love but here I am, missing the person I love so much, the person I'd die for at any moment, yet he wouldn't understand.

I took a picture I had printed out and pined on my bulletin that was of Jimin and me. I stared at it, his smile, my smile, his head on my chest looking into the camera, my hand on his waist, his arm around me. I loved that photo so much, it was my favorite of us.

"I miss you baby..." I said and wiped another tear from my eyes.

I fell asleep holding onto the photo, just wanting to disappear but also end up with Jimin in my arms.
Why did this have to happen...

JIMIN'S POV

I woke up one morning, months after the breakup with Yoongi but still feeling like shit as always. I saw an envelope near the door but I had no idea where it came from.

I got up and picked it up and it said "from Yoongi, someone you used to love."
I rolled my eyes and was tempted to throw it in the trash, but something was telling me not to.

"What is this about Min Yoongi...?" I said to myself and opened up the envelope to find a letter.

I read it carefully, taking in every word hit me like a truck. Especially towards the end, I had to save him.

He was mine. Taehyung was right, I was wrong to ignore him for all these months.

I had to forgive him, maybe he really changed.
I didn't have much time, only a few minutes until noon, I had to get to him.

I washed up as quick as I could and rushed out the room to go find him. I went to the dorm, 12:03. I hoped he was still there.

"Fuck! Yoongi open! Open the fucking door! Please!" I cried and banged the door, but he wasn't opening.

"Yoongi please...please, I love you." I said and stood there but nothing was happening.
I reached for the door handle and it opened. I was such a fool.

I walked in and saw Yoongi on the couch, unconscious, blood all over him and a gun in his hand.

"No. No...NO!" I cried and ran to his side. I pulled him close and held him to my chest, sobbing. Blood was the all over me so I couldn't sit there and do nothing.

I called an ambulance and he was taken to the emergency room right away.
I was shaking, I couldn't breathe, I was so scared and this was all my fault for leaving him.
I called Joon, Seokjin, and Hoseok, I had to let them know what was going on. We all remained friends even after the breakup, even though they never knew the real reason why we did.
They all rushed to the hospital to meet me.

"Jimin? What happened?" Hobi said once he saw me sitting outside where Yoongi was.

"He...he attempted suicide...he shot himself."
Hobi gasped, tears filled his eyes right away and he asked me why he did that.

"I don't know, its been months since we broke up but then he wrote me a letter and said he would wanna end his life if I didn't go to him by today at noon. I woke up right before twelve o'clock and by the time I read it, it was too late..." I said and began to cry again. "I just...I didn't want him to go this far for me, why would he do that?!" I sobbed and fell into Hobi's arms.

He held me and hugged me, trying to comfort me. He sat me down and the other two guys sat down next to us too.
"He'll make it. But you're right, I don't know why he would do that." Hobi said, holding his chin.

"Because he's never felt this way before. You know how he is, Hobi. He's very sensitive. He's being going on about this ever since they broke up." Joon said.

I didn't know what to think, if he died it would've been all my fault and I'd never forgive myself for it...