Brahms x Reader - After the killing

Chapter 10 - Dinner and a question

You have to think about it. It's a question about his identity, and the fact that he wants to know what you think seems vulnerable. You think about the best way to answer without offending him somehow. You feel like you understand why he's been using the doll to express himself, and why it's so important to him. But maybe it would be a much needed step for him to take, to try and go on without the doll a while.
"Well." You slowly start off. "I don't think I've gotten the chance to know Big Brahms yet. But I'd like to." You tell him honestly. He looks at you from behind the mask and his hair.
"Would you really?" he says and his voice cracks a little at the end. Maybe it was an answer that he was hoping for but didn't expect. You nod and can't help but smile a little at his reaction. As if he can't believe that someone would actually want to get to know the real him. And at the same time, it's sad. He takes a deep, muffled breath.
"My parents... they liked me better little." He says. "I don't think I know how to be big."
If something really happened to little Emily Cribbs that day so many years ago, and it was Brahms doing, it must've not only completely devastated his parents but also made them deeply confused, as in how to feel about their own son. The fact that they staged their only child's death to keep him from the law shows how much he meant to them. But at the same time, how does two parents cope with having a child that did something so terrible he had to be hidden away?
And how does the child cope with parents that are distancing themselves from him, perhaps in fear?
Maybe the only way he felt he could appease them, was to remain the once innocent child, no matter how old he grew. Struggling to push his incipient adult side away while trying to stay a young boy for his parents sake. You can only imagine that inner frustration and identity struggle. Maybe that's what happened, maybe not. You might just find out sooner or later.
"If you want to, I'll try to help." You say. "But you have to promise something." Brahms nods and you continue. "You won't hurt me, or Malcolm when he comes with deliveries?" you ask. He shakes his head. "No." He pauses and looks at you, almost with a fascination in his eyes.
"I couldn't hurt you."
You smile at him. That's what you wanted to hear. He seems to have trust in you, now that you've proven to him you won't just leave or betray him. You feel like you could trust his words, that he won't hurt you, but you're not as sure about others like Malcolm. What if Malcolm tries to convince you to leave, and Brahms sees him as a threat? You might have to tell Malcolm the truth, or make up some story later on about why the Heelshires haven't returned and you're still in their house.
"I trust you Brahms." You say. "Would you help me make dinner?"
You show him the cookbook you've been using in the kitchen and together you pick something not too advanced (dish of your own choice). You check the book step by step, and eventually a little dinner is starting to take form. Brahms seems unsure in the kitchen, but you can tell he's trying his best. And that's what matters, really.
"Did you ever cook anything... up in your room?" you ask him while you set the table.
"Mostly boxes. Or cans." he says.
You remember all of the canned food you saw back there on the shelves. It probably wasn't much fun to always eat either that or frozen scraps. The thought of all the frozen food still remaining makes you sad, when you picture Mrs. Heelshire making and carefully putting it away for her son.
When dinner is ready you put it on the table and the two of you sit down. You realize you've put Brahms in another awkward situation, regarding his mask again.
"Oh, I'll turn around." You say.
Brahms seems a little troubled, as if part of him wants to just leave and eat on his own like always. Of course you're wondering what he might look like underneath, and if the fire that Malcolm told you about (that you've also seen black traces of on the house façade) has something to do with it. In the photos of him as a child he looked completely normal. Or does he wear it for some other reason than a possibly disfigured face...? Mr. Heelshire said he had always been shy, and timid. And odd... But no matter how much you're wondering, you'd never ask him to take his mask off. If that's going to happen, it has to be when he's ready. It's there for a reason.
"It's fine." He says quietly, grabs his plate and turns around his chair with his back against you. He hesitates for a few seconds before he pushes his mask slightly upwards. You start eating and so does Brahms. You both sit in silence, and you can tell Brahms just wants to finish as quick as possible. It stresses you out a bit too and you find youself eating faster than you normally would just to get it over with. You're sure he feels very exposed without the mask, even if he's turned away from you.
As soon as he's done he pushes the mask down and adjusts it meticulously before turning around to you. "Did you like it?" you ask and he nods, pensively observing you for a moment.

"Can I show you something?" he then asks.