Life is Better

Chapter Thirty Eight - Life is What You Make It

"Why did you hate Nathan?" I asked David as at dinner. I agreed to come over once a week to build a relationship again. "I mean, before this" "Honestly, I blamed him for you disappearing. I always thought he had something to do with it" David said, putting his fork down. I did the same. "It wasn't his fault" I said to him "I just... I couldn't come back home. All of this would have been like a... a..." "Trigger" Max helped me out. "Exactly. I wanted to get to live outside a... you know. I wanted to get treated like a healthy person, not like someone that is still sick" I explained.

"I do understand where you're coming from, I just can't accepted" Mom said. "I had to do it. It was the best decision for me and my health" I said and I think mom decided to drop the topic to avoid a fight. I went along with it, not wanting to cause a fight either.

Dinner finish actually good, even when mom asked me to help her in the kitchen. "So, how is dorm life? Met any guys yet? Or are you into girls? Which would be totally fine" Why was my mother so nervous? She never was. "I'm into boys" I said with a small smile "Just boys, but I don't know... I haven't really met any new guys" I said and grabbed the next plate "Besides, I just got out of a relationship. Even if I was the one that broke it off, it still hurts and I'm not ready for someone new. Besides, after him I'm much more careful with Blackwell boys" I said and put the plate down. "Can't blame you for that" She replied.

I had no clue if it was okay for me to talk about Chloe in front of her. I remember her closing off completely after dad died. Although it was the opposite now, I didn't know how she would react. My mom was reaching out to me and I was happy about it. After I made a step towards her, she is taking multiple towards me. I guess she didn't want to lose the second daughter too.

"Clare?" Mom asked and I felt caught. I had no idea why since I wasn't doing anything wrong. "I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me" She said, turning towards me, drying her hands with a towel. "This includes Chloe" She said and I became pale. "I mean it, Clare. I want you to be open with me and feel like you can talk to me at anytime about anything or anyone" She said.

"How did you-" I started, but stopped. "I'm your mother. I know when something is up. I might have ignored it in the past because I didn't think about you, but that's over" She said. "It's just... I would have never thought that Nathan was capable of something like this" I said, putting the towel down. "Yes, we broke up. Yes, he was in treatment all those years, but why didn't it help him. I just can't believe I had feelings for him and still catch myself thinking about him in that way" I said. "Okay... um.. to me it sounds like you need closure" She replied honestly.

"Closure?" I asked to be sure I understood her correctly.

"Closure! You have so many questions that I can't answer you. That no one can answer, except for him" She said and made a sure break. "What I think you need is to talk to him. Visit him" She said. "What?" I asked shocked. "Visit him" She repeated.

And so I did.

A few weeks later I was sitting in front of a window, him on the other side. His face turned pale once he saw me. "Why did you do it?" was the first question I asked when I looked into his blue eyes that used to make me melt. Now I just felt hate towards him. "It was an accident" He replied "I didn't want to do it! She started pushing me-" "Stop!" I said and he stopped talking immediately. "You want to tell me you accidentally brought a gun to the girls bathroom?! How stupid do you think I am?" I asked.

"Pretty stupid when I think about the fact that I still had feelings for you when I came back to Blackwell even though I had a boyfriend! Thinking that maybe, just maybe this could be our second chance! Thinking you still loved me, obviously I was wrong. Otherwise you wouldn't have pulled a gun on my sister! Do you even know what you took from me? I still have so many questions I had tried to built up the courage to ask and you. You just pulled the trigger, thinking about only yourself" I said. "I do still love you" He said and I laughed "But I don't love you anymore. I hope you rot in hell, Nathan Prescott" I said, got up and left. Nathan called after me, banging against the window keeping him from running after me, but I didn't care. I got what I came here for. I told Nathan everything he needed to hear, everything I wanted him to hear, getting my closure.

A few days later I was smiling for the first time in forever. I'm talking about a real smile here. Yes, I still get sad thinking about Chloe, but also proud of her for thinking about everyone but herself for once.

"When will you finally talk to him?" Max asked as we were standing in the courtyard of Blackwell Academy. "How about never?" I asked her. "Go talk to him. You got along great at the party" "Yeah, the one that never happened" I said. "But you still have common interests! That didn't change" Max said and pushed me towards the picnic table Luke was sitting on. I took a deep breath before walking over to him.

"Hi, I'm Clare" I introduced myself with a smile. "Luke" He replied with a smile as well.

So yeah... my life really is better. At least my mental state. Even if I lost my sister through that craziness and found out I could draw the future and the past and travel through it. I am better. I have friends I never thought I would have. I mean, who would have thought that the mentally sick girl becomes friends with a skater dude, a science guy, a weirdo girl, a Christian girl and the popular girls. I didn't, but life is what you make it.

"Happy?" Max asked as I walked towards her. "Very happy" I replied and hugged her. "Pirates" Max said. "Till the end"