✓| homeland ‣ m.mckenna

16

16

miles

i sit next to charlie's bed, fiddling with her hand that rested off the mattress. they're letting her go home today, so i decided to be the one to take her back to her house, make sure she's safe.

her body lied softly on the bed, pale to almost match the walls, breathing in tact and normal. char was sleeping from the meds she received awhile ago, alexis stood by me the whole time.

it was probably a week since the incident, maybe two weeks, i haven't been paying attention to the clock anymore. one second it's morning, the next it's nearly midnight.

worried of her, i was- still am, staying with her every step. alexis came back with two cups of water, for us. sleep wasn't my friend at the moment, my darkness and pondering stuck instead.

in silence we sat, in our minds we sat, tension between us all. "we didn't kiss." come on, i could just be sitting here in silence with her.

all i did was sigh, not even bothering to look up from my clear cup of water, tracing my finger among the edges. i was so tired and it was unbearable.

"miles," i hear, making me tilt my head up to the short haired girl. "we didn't kiss." it was a little more believable, but from what i saw, nothing about those words were believable.

i hum out a soft laugh, letting her know; she was a bad liar. try harder, sweetheart. "i don't believe you." i said, stretching my legs and yawning. "it's fine, I don't care about what happened between you guys."

i did care, i cared so fucking much. she shook her head, placing her plastic cup on the floor next to her chair. "she said she wanted to be with you. believe me, i wouldn't have texted or called you."

alexis' voice was fully more believable now, telling some sort of truth. confusion flew through my bones, i shoot my head over to charlie, realizing what was happening.

"but, she didn't-"

she did.

she called, texted, she even called my own friends just to know i was okay. she didn't ask why i left her in the dark, and i hated the fact i left her.

i was so mad that she left for new york and didn't tell me, but i fully understood it at this point. charlie was more than that. she's been through a lot.

alexis placed her hand on my shoulder lightly, squeezing it tightly. "she did nothing wrong." she mumbled, looking over to charlie sadly.

i lean forward, taking charlie's cold hand into my shaky one, hoping she'd wake up in time for me to take her. charlie had some explaining to do later, after a nap and a bath, that is.

my mind was twisted at the moment, slightly looking over to alexis; someone i had counted on for years. i didn't speak.

"it's okay charlie." i said, resting my lips to her hand, "it's okay." hope flashed through me as she started opening her eyes, breathing softly. charlie was as pale as a ghost, looked as dead as she could get, eyes a little widened from all of the stars she must've seen.

charlie

"you okay?" the alluring boy asked next to me, my brain automatically shut down. all i remembered was an orange bottle, tears, people rushing me on a bed, lights, needles, lots of 'breathe' and 'stay with us'.

it's how they described it in movies; the whole 'light at the end of the hallway' thing, memories flooding like water, my heart wasn't beating. i wasn't fearful.

it was all like something was caught in my throat, except, nothing was. "charlie?" miles repeated, causing my head to snap over to his with a hum. i let my eyes feel weighed, my heart feel light, my ears ring, my eyes dim. "how do you feel?"

noticing the scenery, i realized we were sitting in miles' car, driving to our destination as i blankly stared out the window. dead. "tired." i answered with a slight rasp.

it was true, i couldn't feel anymore. i was practically numb; my heart was still beating like before, my nose still prickled as my eyes swelled, my hands felt number and number each second.

it's all like some distant thought, not caring anymore what could happen or who would care anymore, i couldn't recognize myself.  a sigh was heard as we pulled up to the familiar house,

home.

although it was my home, it didn't feel like it. the shitty paint job wasn't cozy anymore, wallpaper wasn't giving me the 'honey, you're home' vibe, nothing was the same.

it was like i hadn't known what home was, my heart didn't spark, my smile didn't form, my eyes didn't light up. i had decayed.

maybe if i had skipped some parts in life, i wouldn't have to feel so empty anymore. next to miles, my heart didn't grow, my body didn't shiver, i was still the same as i left the hospital.

"welcome home, char." miles said as we walked into my house. i quietly nod my head, staring at my shoes. i couldn't bare to look at miles, something about him was off, not understanding him.

he seemed restless, weak, heavily weighted. bags under his eyes were obvious, the messy hair stood out, the dirty outfit he had worn since he saw me on that bed; he never left me there alone.

quickly, i faced him, letting him take a moment to see me before i engulf him into a bear-hug. miles didn't take a second to squeeze the air from my body, breathing deeply into my shoulder as he did. it felt nice, a slow feeling making its way back to my lifeless body.

"i've fucking missed you, asshole." he laughed into his words, a smile still not appearing to my face, yet a sorry look did. i was sorry to put him through this, though i never meant to do what i caused.

miles' face lightened up, pulling away from my hug.  "i missed you too, miles." i said back, holding the tears from my eyes.

"don't do that again." he rested his hands on my face, mine lacing around his wrists and closing my eyes, feeling his forehead against mine as we stood. miles had a soft spot, everyone did, but he was just too soft and precious, like a goddamn diamond. "please."

the lips i had known were now against my forehead, the warm feeling flowing through my veins. i won't, miles.

•

suicide hotline:
+18002738255

•

( 1-800WANHEDA )