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19

19

miles

the sidewalk was filled with orange leaves, fallen from the trees as it looked like we were chasing stars.

charlie kept her head down, avoiding the blue-fall day as if it were catching up to her. her brown hair covered her face, covering the red nose, bagged eyes, and ghostly skin.

maybe i was just lost in her mind some where, she doesn't seem interested anymore. i face back to the sight of kids playing around and chasing each other.

metaphorically, that's what i was doing. chasing charlie. she kept hiding and running, as i seek to find her and save her im the attempt.

i could hold her in my arms for hours, only for her to suddenly disappear right before my eyes. how could i be so close yet so far?

the doctor said to give her space, but i can't. charlie hated being alone, im her house, in her car, in her mind, in her world.

i just wish charlie were here.

i drop my hand from my jacket pocket, slowly reaching for her's as we were close to the car. as soon as my cold hand grazed her's, she spoke.

charlie's words weren't something she'd say, at least i've never heard. she tugged her hand from mind, "i don't want to hold your hand."

and with that, she walked off to the car, getting in with a tired expression. i stood in front of the car, surprised at charlie's attitude.

i open the car door, taking a warm seat, but it still felt cold to me. i start the engine, hearing it turn. "sorry."

charlie crossed her arms, leaning her head onto the cold window, eyeing every sense of wind.

"you should just give up, miles." charlie said in a calm voice, no emotion in the tone. i look at her solemnly, wishing she'd say something else.

"why?" i ask with the same amount of emotion as i faced the road, driving off with cars around me.

i couldn't see her, but i knew that she had turned her body to face me. "because, why try to be a hero if you don't know what you're fighting for?"

this time, i couldn't think. that didn't stop me from trying, i wasted to win this, win her. "classy. let me ask you this; what's the point if i don't try? i'm fighting for you."

i breathe out quietly, wishing i had never left her alone in the first place.

"i never meant for any of this to happen, miles." she mumbles silently, looking at her lap. "please, don't think i did it to hurt you."

i shift my eyes to her, earning no sign of interest in her eyes. "i don't think you meant to hurt anyone. only yourself."

i continue to drive, sniffling from the impact of the new topic. she's opening up, making me mentally say- suck it, doc.

"everything was so okay, then it just wasn't. not just you ignoring me, just real world stuff. i'll be okay somehow."

the car stopped in her driveway, letting me take the time to open my own door, watching charlie unbuckle her seatbelt slowly as i rushed to open her door.

she looked at me with confusion. "it wasn't your fault, i'm just happy you're alive."

charlie nods her head and stands up from the car, making sure she didn't hit her head on the metal. we stare for a second, watching the emotion change.

she buries her head in my chest, arms wrapped around my torso. without a word, my arms fell around her shoulders and rest my head on her's.

"i'm trying to come back." i hear charlie cry silently, i rub my hand down her back to calm her, hearing her sniffle.

"don't get all sappy now, char." she chuckles slightly, dropping her keys from her shaking hands. "let's go inside, i'm sure i bought ice cream not too long ago."

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