Procrastinators on Stage (Chris Kendall/crabstickz fanfic) *unedited*

Part 18- I Don't Like Feeling Conflicted

Kill me. Shoot me in the head. Slit my throat and stitch me back up again like a voodoo doll. Hang me by my hair from the highest tree. Make Jaffa Cakes poisonous. Just somebody do something which will stop them from talking like this and forcing me to participate as well! Argh!

I was mentally screaming at myself and casting insults to every single person that I could think of. Why? Because at this stupid pizza/film night, we’d stopped taking interest in the film that was playing to instead converse about relationships. Lynn was engaged. Mia and Poppy were playing happy couples with PJ and Dan. Carrie apparently had potential suitors lining up around her, including both YouTube personalities and people from work. And that just left Lucy and me wanting to bang our heads against the wall in unison, hoping to knock ourselves out and avoid the whole conversation topic.

It wasn’t that I was humiliated or embarrassed by being single, it was just how I hated soppy relationships in real life. If they wanted to talk about how each other’s relationships were going, fair enough, but could they maybe just stop talking for now? It cannot be possible that three of the people in this room had each met their soul mate within the same few years! Relationships end. Relationships end in three ways: you split up, one of you dies, or you get married. There’s a two out of three chance that it won’t end well. It’s not exactly encouraging.

The main problem I had with this topic was that I could actually involve myself in it if I wanted to. I could find out more about Dan/Mia or Chris/Mia. I could learn and put my plans into action. Unfortunately, that would apparently give everyone else the right to ask about my past relationships as well. For the record, that past consisted of four guys who’d all dumped me. Coincidentally, they’d all dumped me when they’d each lost interest in me when someone new turned up. Yet another reason to why I hate new people.

Whilst I was still umming and ahhing over my potential participation, the buzzer for Carrie’s door went off again.

“Oh, that’ll be the pizzas, I suppose,” Poppy said quietly into her wine glass, which was still full.

“I’ll get it,” Lucy and I blurted at the same time. I glanced over to the floor where Lucy was seated. She was sat on a throne of cushions with various blankets spread across her lap, from which she was eyeing me challengingly. We both hastily scrambled up from our nests of blankets to dash to the door.

“I’ve got it!” Lucy giggled as she pressed the intercom button to speak to the delivery person and tell them which floor we were on.

I scowled at the back of her head as she chatted with him. She stole my excuse to leave the conversation!

Lucy let go of the intercom button and beamed at me coyly from over her shoulder. “Did you want to get that? Oh, I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

I tapped the button on the intercom which would buzz the delivery guy in, something which Lucy had overlooked as she’d been too busy gloating. “Thanks for letting me get the pizzas,” I said sweetly.

My short friend groaned. “Eugh, you bitch.”

“Talking about yourself in third person, are you?” I quipped. Lucy shook her head at me and giggled despite herself. “How are you surviving the relationship topic?” I asked her as we leant up against the walls of the hallway together whilst we waited for our food.

Lucy twitched her nose, consequently moving her glasses back up her nose. “It’s okay…a bit sickening and awkward for us singletons, but okay.”

“Finally someone agrees with me about the sickening part! It’s all so…fluffy.”

“Exactly. But, I do kind of want to add to the conversation,” she admitted. “I hate sitting on the edge of this.”