Procrastinators on Stage (Chris Kendall/crabstickz fanfic) *unedited*

Part 30- I Don't Like Surprises (I Can't Even 3)

I know I hate and dislike a lot of things, but being in the dark about what I’m meant to be doing in a day is one of the things I downright despise. I hate surprises or days when someone else is deciding what I’m meant to be doing without telling me. For example, I always hated the first day of school or uni not only because it was the first day back after weeks spend hibernating, but because there was no definite plan for me. What if I made an idiot of myself? What if I didn’t have the right equipment? What if I handled the situation wrong?

Basically: I like to have a plan set out in front of me. This wasn’t something I had today.

For the first half of ‘I Can’t Even’ I’d felt relatively in control. I’d had a script, knew which parts and rounds were coming up, and I could plan out what I could say instead of doing this improv comedy. I now didn’t know what else was going to be in the show and how I should be reacting to it. I was a bit fed up and frustrated by it all, and yet had no idea on how I should overcome such an intense sense of being, well, lost. I wasn’t in control, and the suspense was painful.

“The final round for our teams to complete is ‘Chris’ Contest’,” Chris said grandly, his power over the show and situation evident in his tone of voice as he gazed around the set of ‘I Can’t Even’. Why did he get to be in charge? Why couldn’t he tell me what I was meant to do? I only had so much fangirl capacity…

Chris smiled contently at the cameras, oblivious to my internal struggle on what the actual fuck I was meant to do. “This contest changes every show and is my way of making sure that each and every one of my guests is sufficiently humiliated by the end of the night, all in the name of earning points. This week, I have devised the ultimate task. Will it be bungee jumping into a volcano? Swimming with jellyfish? Maybe a round of naked twister? Nope. It’s the almighty egg and spoon race!” He spread his arms wide at his declaration and looked at us all with excited eyes. Honestly, most of the YouTubers present looked more amused as to how pathetic the idea sounded rather than from the thrill of such a challenge.

“What’s that got to do with YouTube?” PJ said sceptically.

Chris cast PJ a long look. “Stay calm, my PJ, I was just getting to that… This race will take place over a small obstacle course that has been set up for us in a secret location. Oooh!”

Apparently the whole studio took this as a cue to ‘oooh’ appreciatively, much like any audience would at the words ‘secret’ or ‘special’.

“To make this whole escapade more YouTube friendly, each egg will have a drawing of one of our guests on it done by yours truly,” Chris said with a sly smile whilst he pointed at himself. “Basically, if anyone drops one of their eggs then they’ve effectively murdered a YouTuber. Y’all better think of a cunning plan to continue living after the fangirls have found out.”

Jack snorted. “It’s like the crappest Hunger Games remake ever.”

One thing I did know about all of this was Becca’s personality. The Hunger Games was a sure trigger for her to jump up and down and flail around a bit, right?

I lifted a hand to my heart whilst using the other hand to fan myself as I squealed. “OMFG, he mentioned THG! My feels can’t take it! I’m so crying right now #sorrynotsorry.” I used my fingers to make the hashtag symbol before proceeding to wipe my eyes to prove my point.

“Why did we let her on the show?” Chris mumbled into his hands, looking at me through the gaps between his fingers in a defeated manner. As if only just remembering that the cameras were pointed at him, he moved his hands to plaster a cheesy grin onto his face. “Anyway, off to our secret location! Oooh-eee-ooooh!”