Imperfect Romance

Denial- NSFW

One would think that after Ai admitting to herself that she was in love with Miyuki she wouldn't lie to herself anymore, right? Well that would be a wrong assumption. She could be just as stubborn as the catcher. After that night she tried to convince herself that she was probably confused since there were many things that Miyuki and her bonded over and therefore felt closer to him. Closeness that she is misinterpreting as love. Of course, it had to be that. After all, she was just a teenager, what does she knows about love anyways?

With that in mind she went on with her business as usual and hung out with Miyuki like she always did. Everything was fine and there was nothing weird going on between them. Well.... Not really. She was a little bit distant with him. Sometimes she would decline his invitations to hook up claiming that she had homework to do, which is something that she has never done before. Also before she didn't mind cuddling or massaging his scalp after they were done having sex but lately she avoids that if she can. Ai felt like she was in a tricky situation because she didn't know how to create the perfect distance between them.

Overall, if she was being honest to herself, Ai was feeling very confused. She wanted to keep going with the friends with benefits arrangement that she had with Miyuki, but at the same time she felt scared every time she was with him. She didn't want to have feelings for the catcher since that wasn't part of their plan. It's supposed to be sex with no strings attached and no feelings whatsoever. That would just complicate things. For better or for worse she already got used to Miyuki's company and she didn't want to lose it. She hates to admit this but, it actually feels kind of nice having someone to be with, to talk to, and hang out with. And the sex was also great.

Sex was definitely clouding her judgement. It didn't help her situation at all. Every time they did it she felt so much more closer to him and as if they were forming this impenetrable special bond between them. But that couldn't be further than the truth. For Miyuki it was just a way to unwind from the pressures of being the main catcher of the first string team and let his teenage hormones go wild. Although he was different from other guys, he was still a hormonal teenage boy at the end of the day. Deep inside, she knew that she was more to him than a quick lay and that he cared about her. But as nice as that sounds it actually made things harder for her, because it gave her a small sense of hope.

That small sense of hope is the one responsible for always making her think that it's November during the last couple of weeks. Before she entered high school, this month only meant that December is just around the corner and therefore the second term was coming to an end. But now November was special to her because it was Miyuki's birthday month. His birthday is in almost two weeks and much to her dismay she wanted to spend his birthday with him. She didn't know why though. It was his birthday, not her's so therefore she didn't have to feel this strongly about it, but she just did. Ai would feel very special if he decided to be with her on that day. It was going to be on a school day, so it would be like a regular day, but he could always swing by her house after he was done with practice. The problem with this was that she didn't know how to bring it up to him. He would probably become suspicious and she would look like a clingy girl.

Did Miyuki even cared about his birthday? He was such a baseball idiot that he probably forgot that his birthday is coming up soon in the first place. Since his mother died when he was young and his father has been emotionally distant since then, he hasn't probably celebrated his birthday in years. Knowing Miyuki he would probably say that he was used to it and doesn't care about it since after all it was just a normal day.That it wasn't a special day since he was just turning a year older, or if he was feeling in a sarcastic mood he would probably say something along the lines that being a step closer to death was nothing worth celebrating for.

The other problem that she had concerning Miyuki's birthday was that she didn't know whether to give him a birthday present or not. The clear answer was a resounding 'NO' since he wasn't her boyfriend or her friend, he was just the guy that she was sleeping with (boundaries remember?), but the other part of her (the one with the hope) wanted to give him a gift. He didn't have any friends and his teammates probably didn't know about his birthday. She just felt so bad that he was going to spend his day without anyone acknowledging it and she wanted it to make it special for him.