Imperfect Romance

The Aftermath

Ever since that devastating night Ai has sunk into depression. Most of the time she just felt numb with pain. During the break, she spent most of her time lying on her bed and she hardly ate or slept. She could only think about Miyuki. She never thought that things with him were going to turn out the way it did or at least not that soon. While deep inside of her she knew that he wasn't probably going to return her feelings, Ai didn't expect herself to act the way she did. Ai always took pride on the fact that she always had her emotions in check and never begged anyone for anything, but it seems that she was more of a mess than she thought she was. What was all that about? She didn't remember the last time she cried that much and much less in front of somebody. Crying was reserved for when she was alone in the privacy of her room, not in front of your 'fuckbuddy' when he was 'dumping' you. That was totally pathetic.

What was also pathetic was when she poured out her heart to Miyuki like that. What came over her? She had no idea. Perhaps she was tired from the burden of keeping that secret from him and the moment she said the words 'I like you' it was as if she opened the gates of her heart and all the emotions just kept flooding in. Perhaps it was only out of her sheer desperation and she foolishly thought that maybe that was going to persuade Miyuki into changing his mind about her. Ai certainly felt stupid now. All that time wasted thinking that she had a small chance with him until the very last moment.

But what was really pathetic (like the most pathetic) in Ai's opinion was when she begged him not to leave and suggested that they still could continue to hook up after he specifically said that he didn't want to see her anymore. Where was her dignity? If he didn't want her then there was no reason for her to grovel at his feet, but her brain didn't register that during that night. Maybe that's why people say that love is blind and makes people do stupid things. Ai always figured that if she ever found herself in a relationship that she would never act like crazy lovestruck girls who would do anything to be with the guy that they like. But alas it seems that she was wrong (again).

Perhaps she feels so much more lonelier than she originally thought and in consequence her need for company is so much stronger. It was the only explanation that she had for why she is so hung up on Miyuki and her actions. Unfortunately, it made her both look desperate and to be actually desperate. What did he thought of her? She would be mortified if she found out that he didn't held her in the same regard as before. Often at night when she couldn't sleep, her mind would wander and wonder if Miyuki thought that she was like the other girls and was nothing but a bimbo who confessed to him just because of his looks.

Miyuki's initial reaction at her confession also influenced her to bare her heart out to him. She couldn't deny that it hurt her to see Miyuki so shocked at her confession. Till this day it still baffles her that he had a hard time believing that she had feelings for him. Miyuki was one of the most popular guys at school because of his looks and baseball skills. He got confessions almost every week if not every other day. What was so hard to believe about her liking him? To him now she was just one more in his ever growing list of confessions. Was it because he thought that she wasn't going to develop feelings or because he actually thinks that he is unlovable?

But that's crazy right? How can he think he that is unlovable? Specially when he is so arrogant, overconfident, and cocky. Also When he is..... Well when he is.. Him... Miyuki Kazuya. A good looking guy, a nationwide known catcher, popular, intelligent, and both charming and charismatic in his own dorky way. He is so many great things and his cheeky personality didn't deter him away from those qualities.

After getting used to his teasing remarks and her annoyance she thought that Miyuki was a godsend. The truth was that she was no stranger to the evil that was depression. Her mother's death completely devastated her since her mother was both the closest person to her and her best friend. Her mother would always have a bright big smile on her face trying to be supportive when Ai was sick in the hospital. She always tried her best to look happy so in turn Ai could be happy and find strength to make it through the rough treatments. Ai also remembered her mother's tears of joy when the doctor told them that her cancer went into remission and they made so many plans of things that they would and places that they would visit after she was discharged from the hospital. Unfortunately, none of that came into fruition.