Theta Twelve

The Girl, the Jealous and the Strange

Aria stood at the front of the kitchenette table, eyeing the boys dubiously as they sat before her. Her hands were positioned palm down on the table. "Kochanski?" she echoed. "Kristine Kochanski? I thought she took off."

"She did..." Lister's shoulders dropped with a sigh. He stared at the floor, inwardly reminiscing about their moments together, good and bad.

Toward the end, things became rough for them, but he never imagined her leaving while he was blackout drunk. He never imagined her staying, either. Not while her Dave Lister was still out there, waiting for her safe return.

"How come she's here, then?" she asked, shrugging with her arms outstretched.

"What if it was the time-rift?" Rimmer stood up, then started pacing, thinking. "What if we jumped into a dimension where she exists?"

Aria shook her head. "A time-rift only sends things backwards or forwards through time, not dimensions."

Lister tapped his chin, his forefinger fitting perfectly in his cleft. "Maybe that's our answer." Without another word, he shot up and hurriedly left.

The rest of them followed suit, heading toward his and Rimmer's sleeping quarters. Bob the skutter sped out of Lister's way, narrowly missing being tripped on; even his curiosity was piqued. Bob rolled after them a short distance before making a full stop, then made a one-eighty turn and followed them into the sleeping quarters.

Lister picked up a calendar and stared at it with gradually widening eyes. Holy smeg! "Look at this," Lister showed them the date, according to ship's computer. "September the nineteenth. We went ahead five months!"

"Five months?!" Cat repeated incredulously. He quickly whipped out his mirror to see if he had aged any.

Lister rolled his eyes. "How can one guy be so vain?"

"Sir, saying that Mister Cat is vain is like saying Mount Vesuvius was a little loud."

Aria still kept her eyes on the date, almost too deep in thought to pay attention. She slightly shook her head. "Guess we must've gone to a point where we found her and brought her on the ship," she mused. "but why is she in stasis?"

Rimmer folded his arms. "Let me get this clear in my head," he began, completely ignoring Aria's question; he had no decent answer, regardless — how could he when he and everyone else had no idea what the smeg was going on? "At some point in the future, we go and rescue Princess Peach?" Rimmer's voice was laced with irritation, emphasising the last two words. "What's next — are we going to ride little green dinosaurs and interact with mushroom people?"

"Green dinosaurs and mushroom people?" The corners of Lister's mouth twitched in a brief smirk. "Sounds like a really bad drug trip to me, man. What are you on about?"

"Forgive me for correcting you, sir," Kryten began. "but I believe that Mister Rimmer is referring to the popular video game, Super Mario Brothers."

"I know!" Lister exclaimed, on the defensive. It was a lie. He'd never even heard of it until then. "I'm just saying, that's all."

"Wasn't this Peach bimbo a blondie?" the Cat wondered, not giving a damn about his poorly chosen vocabulary; it was a video game character after all. "SNACKY said this chick had brown hair."