Theta Twelve

Hologram in Labour

"Alright, what if we cut our resources? Just leave the essentials," Aria thought out loud, unable to focus on anything else. "I mean, why do we need a supermarket? Bars? We don't use either anyway."

"Uh-huh," Rimmer mumbled, barely paying attention.

"Well, keep maybe Parrot's for the romantic atmosphere, but that's it!"

"That's an officer's only bar," he spoke with a slightly distressed whimper in his voice. "God smegging–!" His stomach tightened like an overinflated Rachel after being forgotten before a long journey. He stopped waddling along and clutched his bump.

"Yeah, but I've seen Cat in there. 'Officers only' around here means jack sh–" The sound of Rimmer groaning snared her attention; she whirled around and looked at him, her eyes aglow with worry. "What's wrong?" she asked, despite having a perfect sense of what that something might have been.

Following a gulp of oxygen that he didn't necessarily need, his tongue slipped out to wet his dry lips. Barely able to calm himself, his response came shakily. "I th-think it's starting."

"Ah," She glanced down at his abdomen, watching it slackening after the contraction had ended. "Ah," she uttered again, just as nervous as the first time.

"What do I do?"

"Just, uh, st-stay calm, okay? It just started, so it shouldn't be too bad. Right?"

"Harkness, until you've had a cinder block shoved up your backside and into your intestinal tract, you have no right to say it shouldn't be too bad!" he spluttered, irately.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm new at this," Aria lightly touched him, starting at his right shoulder and stroking down to his side.

"It's my first time too, you know."

"I do. What do you remember from when Lister gave birth? Maybe that will help."

While leaning against the corridor wall and gripping and tugging at the collar of his uniform, Rimmer squinted as he thought back. "I remember screaming, Kryten running about with his head off–"

"You mean he was panicked?" she interjected.

"No, his head was physically off. Lister had enough of the pain and, well, you can guess what happened next."

"Yeah, I think I have an inkling. Are you gonna be able to make it to Medical?"

"I'm not–" He quit talking instantly, clamping his mouth shut, and fought back a familiar urge.

It was clear to her what was happening, and it terrified her to no end. "Arnold, for the love of God, do not do what I think you're gonna do!"

Ingurgitating repeatedly, only swallowing air at this point, the hologram could still feel he was about to do a technicolour yawn, despite his best efforts.

"Rimmer, don't you dare!"

He couldn't help it. It kept building up, becoming worse with each second that passed. He slapped his hand over his mouth, puffed his cheeks out, and moments later, a muffled belch came along.

Nervous hazel eyes immediately flicked to Aria. He felt his cheeks turn red. Inwardly, he wondered if she had heard him.

Unfortunately for him, she had, and she was more than a little grateful. A giggle left her. "Thank God it was just gas."

Rimmer gradually removed his hand, and, on the alert for a possible delayed gastro reaction, uttered, "Pardon me."

Aria gave another half-suppressed laugh before speaking. "Are you alright?"