Late Thoughts

1/1/18

The Day that always gets to me.Every Year on New Year's Eve we drive up to a lake that hearts the most,It's the lake were we scattered my father's ashes I tell myself you should be used to this by now but I'm not cause everyday it hurts like hell like why did you have to leave me at 3 years old why couldn't you stay in my life instead of leaving me but yet I tell myself it wasn't your fault it was the car that hit you because that person in that car decided to drink so a drunk driver killed someone's son,husband,and most of all a father and maybe I'm more mad as hell because Dixie,Delina,and Delia had memoires with you growing up but I didn't I only had a few but not alot you didn't watch me as I grew up,as I played the sport that the whole family played which was baseball you didn't see me hit a home run,you didn't see me play football,but most of all the hardest part is that you won't see me have a wonderful girlfriend you won't get to meet her,you won't become her best friend,you won't see us get married,you won't see us have kids,and you won't see me graduate from high school and those are the things that burn in the back of head and my heart.... because I just didn't lose a father I lost my best friend,my hero,the person who meant to much,and that's what hurts so much and it's been 14 years since you been gone...I hate to say that number because I don't know how I went on without you for 14 years how did I breathe without when I barely had a mother as well she was always working I just don't get how did I make 14 years without you when I feel like it was just yesterday when I lost you.