Late Thoughts

June,18th,2018

.....A lot of people ask me this question"What happened this day,Ash"and well now am about to tell them and you....but keep in mind this will be disturbing to some of guys so don't report because you had your warning,and besides am being open about my personal life.....so here it goes......

A few days before this date I lost something that meant the world to me that made me see a whole different pov in my life but I lost it...so yes I was hurt...then I see something that broke my heart even more....but than my heart broke even more...I was beat.....my step dad found out about that light and other things and I paid for it...All I remember was that he came into my room and gave me the coldest look and he shut my door and locked it..I backed up to the wall..and he pulled out a leather belt...the next thing I knew he came after me....and little me just stood there like I always did for the past 11 years of my life..but this time it was worst...I woke the next morning...I couldn't feel my body it felt like I didn't even have one..It took me a hour to get up..I looked myself in the mirror and realized how bad my life was...my face was all bruised..I lifted my shirt and I saw them there to...I took a long look in the mirror and just realized..I wasn't meant to be in this world....I opened my door and looked to see if anyone was here..there wasn't(but how much I wished someone was there)....I walked into my bathroom and I looked at myself...I walked back to my room and grabbed a notebook and a pen and I wrote four letters..One was for my mother,Second for my sister..Third for my cousin...and the fourth..for a girl that changed my life(you know who you are)...After I wrote them...I put them on my dresser and walked back to the bathroom...I took out four razors....I picked one up...Looked in the mirror..took a deep breath..I took of my shoes and my shirt...I sat in the middle of the tub facing at the door..with my legs out...I felt a tear roll down as I bought the blade to my skin....I thought about the last happy moments of my life...I filled the tub up with water just a little after I turned it off...I took the blade and started to cut..it wasn't major..... but than.......I thought all about the heartbreaks,the beats....people hurting me and leaving me...than I took it to the wrist and cut it as I watched the blood run down my arms and hands...as it filled the tub a little than I did the same all over my arm trying to make it go faster..I took it to my wrist one more time..after I did...I felt dizzy..everything was blury and black..I heard footsteps than the door opened and I saw my sister as her eyes filled with tears..she took out her phone and made two phone calls...I could hear her hurt in her voice but my vision was going black...than I went black......

And that was the day I almost died.....

So there's my story...but that's not all..next chapter will explain why am here today...right now..typing the most painful story..I could ever tell....