Impossible

Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Author’s P.O.V

The smell of antiseptic filled his nose as he leaned forward in his seat, his elbows painfully digging into his knees. But he didn’t care. His mind was way too occupied to worry about anything else. He’s tried to clear it, to rid his brain of every emotion he was currently feeling: guilt, anger, worry, more guilt. He’s tried to focus on other things- the tile patterns on the floor, the colors of the cheesy wallpaper, the overhead speaker that went off every time doctors ornurses were summoned- but absolutely nothing was working. He still remembered that his girlfriend was somewhere in this hospital being put under anesthesia so that the doctor could shock her heart back into rhythm.

Selena was admitted into the hospital about 22 hours ago, and Justin hasn’t seen her since. The drugs the doctor put her on had helped with her breathing and the pain in her chest but nothing was working for the irregularity of her heartbeat. That’s why the doctor decided enough was enough and he was going to use a defibrillator to get her back to normal.

A mental image suddenly popped in his head. Selena was on the bed, the hospital gown crinkled around her as she laid still, out cold from the anesthesia that had put her to sleep. Nurses surrounded her body as the doctor held a paddle in each hand, wires connecting them to the defibrillator beside him. He could hear the doctor shout “Clear!” just before the high-pitched ring of the electricity filled his ears and he lowered the paddles to her chest. His mind tortured him as he imagined Selena’s body jerk and her chest arch upward in a sharp jolt as the shock ran through her then harshly fall back to the bed. He quickly shook the vision out of his head before his mind could create an ending that would leave him in a pit of anxiety.

This was his fault. If he hadn’t started shouting at Jared she would have never been stressed and she would never have gotten an A-Fib attack. Scratch that. If he hadn’t been involved in the bank robbery, or even the gang at all, none of this would be a problem right now. But instead, Selena is in the hospital and sheis horrified at what he’s done. And he did lie to her. Despite everything, he knows that the fact that he kept this from her hit her hard. Now he knows what he has to do in order to show her that he does trust her. If she’ll even give him the chance to, that is. Who knows what’s going through her mind. On one hand, he knows how pissed she was when he explained everything to her. But on the other hand, he knows how forgiving she is, and how understanding she can be. She always tries to put herself in someone else’s shoes and to try to feel exactly what they’re feeling. And he’s hoping that this will be the case when it comes time to face her. If not, he doesn’t know what to do. But he was 99.9 percent sure that she’d give him this chance.

Justin felt a hand at his shoulder and he brought his head to meet Pauly’s. “Man don’t worry,” he said with a light squeeze to his shoulder. “You’ll be able to see her in no time. She’ll be good as new.”  Justin gave him a weak smile as his eyes travelled around to all of the guys that surrounded him. All except for one: Jared. Selena’s mother and father had been here all day but her dad had to leave for the hour-and-a-half-ride home and her mother had to take Joshhome to feed him and put him to bed.

“He’s right, Jay.” Ryan said. “There’s really no need to worry. Doc even said she’d be released tomorrow morning.”

Justin suddenly felt a small warmth in his heart. These guys really cared about not only him, but Selena. And not just because she was his girlfriend, he could tell that they truly wanted the best for her. Maybe that’s why it bewildered him that Jared had such a sudden negativity towards her. He couldn’t understand it, she had done nothing wrong. Although maybe he shouldn’t be so surprised after all. Jared was always the one to get a little carried away with their plans. He had always bragged about never being caught. And every time they wanted to start a new plan, Jared was always the one to step their game up five notches. He could tell that Jared didn’t like there being a chance of getting ratted out on. He didn’t like that the gang was never going to be the same. He didn’t like knowing that this was probably the downfall of the gang. That’s why Jared stormed away after Alex told him he was quitting as well. Maybe the reason none of them had heard from him since was because he was currently working on his next plan, whether it be by himself or with someone else. Either way, none of it mattered as long as he never had to see him again. He couldn’t promise that if he were to see him again that he’d be able to restrain himself from punching him in the face for hurting Selena in multiple ways. The fact that he hurt Selena alone put Jared on his bad side.