Post Augustus

Chapter 1

( I have not written a story before, so please bear with me! If you read it, I would love some feedback!! -Tate )

Hazel's POV

I, Hazel Grace Lancaster, feel like I am dying. Not only because of the Thyroid cancer that I am cursed with, but because Augustus Waters is not on this Earth with me.

People always say that when a person dies, their soul ascends to Heaven. They say that all of their problems and misery will dissipate, and that they will be watching out for us. I remember telling him that I don't know if I believe in an afterlife, but I really hope that there is one. If there is, I know that he is up there, playing basketball with both of his legs, and that gives me hope.

I'm relieved that he is not in anguish. Actually, I'm utterly overjoyed that he is not in pain anymore, but I am. His death hit me like a hurricane: ripping me apart and leaving permanent heartache and sorrow in its wake. For me, living without Augustus Waters is like living without oxygen. And trust me, I know what that feels

Little by little, I am pulling myself back together. I feel as a broken vase would: fragile, no matter how many layers of super glue bind the shards. Even though it is back together, it will never be the same again. You can't help but feel that something that has been that badly shattered is missing a piece. My piece is Augustus. The cracks in the vase will always be visible, as will mine.

It has been three months since his funeral. My hair has been neglected, my face is almost always wet with tears, and my body is weak. I am always wearing Augustus' t-shirt, that I was lucky enough to snag from his suitcase in Amsterdam.

And to make things worse, my lungs are doing worse than ever before.

I basically have to be hooked up to the BiPAP 24/7. They have to drain the fluids in my lungs once a month. My life is a living hell right now.

As if my physical condition isn't bad enough, I have the constant reminder of Augustus' death.

I wish that I would just die. Honestly, that's a shitty feeling. Then again, my entire life is shitty at the moment.

If I died, I might see him again. He believed in some kind of afterlife, and I have to trust his instincts and believe in one too.