Happiness.

makeup.

I always hated myself. I hated how I got mad easily. I made other sad.

I don't do it on purpose. It makes me sad that I make others feel the same. I'm not a bright person. I may seem like I am a fun person to be around. I'm not.

I. I put on an act. I want other to be happy, so I be 'happy'. I smile. I put on a show.

I act innocent and wear makeup to hide my dark circles under my eyes. I stay up all night crying and wake up with puffy eyes.

This is why. Makeup is so useful when it's needed.

I put on color correcter to hid my imperfections. Concealer to cover my dark circles, foundation to look younger and more bright. And mascara to make me feel better.

I love to hide my true self under a mask. A mask that hides me from exposing my true self. I hide it to well. People think I'm alright.

'im not alright'

It's cold. I feel lonely. No one ask me if I'm okay. Even when I cry. They usually brush it off. As if it doesn't matter. But that's why there is make up remover. I can take off this mask when I'm alone and cry off my pain

When someone calls me names. I pretend it doesn't effect me at all. But I will cry and cry. I get yelled at. I scream louder. I am alone. In this world. I don't know where I am. It's dark. I've been abondoned by happiness. I've been left with only sorrow and bruises.

That bright and colorful picture on my wall is not dull and gives no affect.  Yellow is no longer the bright and colorful vibe. But instead a dull grayish color. I write down what I feel. I write down what I've done wrong.

I shouldn't.

I doesn't matter anymore. It has all be forgotten about. I want to talk with someone about what I feel. But when I talk it all sounds like gibberish or they would try to shrug it off. I start to feel lonely again

They don't want to talk. They left. They did want to get hurt too. I want people to stay with me and try to comfort me. They just leave.

When I walk down the autumn road. It's colorless. There's no sight of happiness. All it's left with is dead leaves and cold air. It's quiet.

I want to remember the past. Where everything was a game. When I could play outside and not want to sit. I want to run and explore the experience of life. But when I try. I can't seem to feel that same happy experience I had as a kid. I want to have fun. I want to make friends.

Happiness is something that people have. But to me...it's something I have trouble with. Not everything is bright. I try to take in the fresh air. I just want to remember the feeling if sun. The warmeth.