Last Bandit: Book 1 in The Bandits Series

Call to the Heart

Chapter 11: Call to the Heart ~

February 3, 1990

Dear Johnny,

I really hope you got my last letter. I think maybe you did. Well, I'm hoping you did and your reply just got lost in the mail and I haven't received it yet. Surely, that's what the problem is.

Good news! My birthday is two weeks away! Once February 17 comes, our ages will be closer, which is good when it comes to society finding out.

You never told me when your birthday is. I'd like to know it.

So I told my parents about my decision to give up the training and studying to be a nun. First of all, I've realized that the whole reason I started to be a novitiate was because the idea was shoved down my throat by my parents. It just hit me one day that really, I don't want to be one of the sisters, and that I was only studying to be one because, to my parents, that's simply what I should be. They really think I should devote my whole life to Jesus, to God and never have children and a husband and go my whole life without ever feeling a penis inside of me. How selfish.

You might laugh at that, but it's terribly true. It sounds a bit funny, but really, Johnny, could you imagine? What was I thinking? Why did I, why was I listening to them?

They obviously were very unhappy about it all. They shamed me. But what can I do, Johnny? I don't want to be a nun at all. I never did, now that I think about it. I don't know who or what to be now, though. I'm left to basically rediscover myself. But how when I have no resources? I'm boxed up in school all day and my house all night. I feel like my life is like the color grey; dull, sad, empty.

You're in Hollywood having a good time, I'm sure. Living life like it's suppose to be lived. I wish so badly that I could be there with you, enjoying life along side you.

But I'm here. I've got St. Louis about an hour away. And you're states away, miles away, hours and days away. I miss you, Johnny, more than I think you know.

My parents bother me about not becoming a nun whenever I'm in their sight now, and that just makes me want to buy a bus ticket and come to you even more. I'm really starting to hate them. And now, they bug me about everything. They correct me over the littlest things and shame me for the stupidest stuff, Johnny. All because I'm steering away from their plan for me. I'm taking my life by the reigns with my own hands. I'm the driver now, not them, and I think that scares them.

For example, they saw you kiss me before you left. And, maybe to your surprise, they just thought it was sweet of you, like you had developed a little crush on me. Now, they keep bringing it up, throwing it in my face. They blame me, though you should not be blamed anyway. They say I must've done something to make you do that. I must've batted my eyelashes or stuck out my chest. They hate me, dread the look of my face. All because I refuse to let them lead my life! How would you be able to live like this, Johnny, with your parents acting more childish than yourself? Because they didn't get their own way.

Yeah, I was the one who led you on. I kissed you first and I stripped you of your clothes because I wanted to, I needed to, not because I was horny or looking to get fucked, but because I felt love in my heart. Aren't you supposed to make love physical when you feel it emotionally and mentally? Yes, right? You were with me too, right? You held me like nobody had ever held me before, Johnny.

But you see, my parents would think because I did all of that, I am a whore. If they ever found that out, I'm positive my own parents would brand me as a slut. You see why I just can't take them anymore?