Sea of Thoughts

Getting Better

Growth. It's a funny thing. You don't quite realize you've done it in the moment, but when you look back you see  you're better, even if you're not quite there yet. Sometimes you get far without ever actually feeling well which is a bit strange. Or you have moments. Moments where you feel pretty good but then they're gone and you don't feel terrible but you don't feel that great either. It's like this weird numb state between wellness and not.

But when you do feel bad it's like going backwards but only you notice it's happened because you actually haven't gone backwards but it definitely feels that way. And that's what it is, we believe we will just wake up one day and be where we want to be. But life just doesn't work like that.

It goes by in cycles, stages, each one different but all of them propelling you forward, unto what's next. And whatever it is, could be good, could be bad, could be somewhere in between, somehow, you're still going forward. You're still growing and changing perpetually, even when it feels that you're not and you've taken a step back because you can't quite do that.

You can't go back because whatever may be going on, the exterior may be the same, but you, you have changed. So nothing can really ever be the same. This can be a comforting thought, but also a scary one. Basically, if you're not in a very good place right now, don't worry, it won't be like this forever. And if you are, well, you should soak it in as much as possible, appreciate it, cherish it, because it won't be like this forever. Nothing will ever be like this forever.

       Wow. I got a bit side-tracked/existential there. But that's usually how I am in general. My thoughts just don't wait for anyone. Most of the time anyway. You know, when my mind still works.

- An early morning anecdote