Lost

Dreams

I dreamt about you.

I don't really remember it that well

But it was the best and worst thing.

I dreamt that I had you.

I dreamt that we were together and happy.

I dreamt that I was the reason for the twinkle in those astonishing eyes that I always seem to lose myself in.

The Love that we felt between each other was immeasurable,

And I cherished every moment of it with every fiber of my being.

I could see your face,

Every detail subject to the inspection of my loving gaze.

I could touch you.

Hands gliding across skin, running through hair with no hesitation.

I could hold you in my arms,

Kiss you a thousand times,

Tell you everything that I never had the courage to let pass my lips.

I could see the the love in your eyes that shine so bright,

And know that everything I held in my heart was returned with the same ferocity.

It was pure ecstasy.

Just knowing that you were here and you were mine,

was enough to make my mouth curl up into the biggest smile I've ever worn.

It danced across my face with a barbarity that I couldn't tame even if I wanted to.

There was nothing that could take that smile away.

I had never been so elated and full of joy.

Then I woke up.

I woke up and realized that

Everything I'd seen was just a fantasy... a dream.

An illusion conjured up by my mind from my deepest desires.

I woke up...

My heart exploded into thousands of tiny pieces.

Those pieces, still lodged in my chest and only causing more damage like shrapnel.

I've heard of the mind playing tricks on you, but this was just cruel... and I did it to myself.

The smile that danced across my lips and lit my face up with the radiance of the sun faded,

And left everything dark.

I knew that none of what I'd dreamt was real and it hurt.

It hurt because I knew that my dream wouldn't become my reality.

There is no happy ending.

I knew this.

But still... I wanted it.

I craved it.

So I laid back down and tried to fall back into a slumber.

Try to dream of you again,

Try to see your face again,

Try to recreate a situation where I'm actually happy because I want to stay there forever.

But we all know that when you try to force a dream, all you get is a cold and crushing darkness.

I lay there, cursing my fate.

Wishing that there were something, anything I could do.

But I was helpless.

No more dreams came to me.

Nothing came to comfort me.

I slept a dark, lonely, dreamless sleep.

Since then, though, dreams have come to me.

You've been in most of them.

Each time, I've tried to grasp at something that is unattainable.

Each time, I've been left alone.

Each time, I've been reminded that the reality that I yearn for is not the reality that I live.

Each time, I was only.... dreaming.

                                                                              -J.M.