Breaking The Mirror [Edited And Complete]

M. F. A. H.

"Jayden, could we talk?" Mr. Spencer asks me when we walk into his living room. It looks exactly the same as before; neat, tidy, perfect.

"Yes, sir," I reply calmly, although I really don't feel calm. Because now Mr. Spencer knows. For a while there, I was pretty sure he already knew, but now it's certain. He knows about Alfred and physical training and...oh god, I need to relax or I'll have another panic attack.

"Sit down, Jayden," He waves to the couch, so I do, slowly, as though maybe he'll change his mind about letting me sit. He sits down next to me. "Listen, I..."

Here it comes. The yelling. The 'why the fuck didn't you tell me?' and the continual 'I could've done something', when that's just not true. Mr. Spencer's nice but...I really don't trust him yet. It...why's he even helping me? Why is he being so nice? Is he just another Charlie or what? I don't understand! What does he want?

"...I'm not going to lecture you," He sighs sadly, "I just wish you'd have told me, so that I could have helped. I...should have reported it, I suppose. I could get fired for not doing that but...I was being so...selfish."

Wha...?He was being selfish? Where the hell does he come up with that? He looks up and sees the confusion on my face, so he keeps talking.

"I was.... I wanted to help you," He explains, "I didn't want to leave it up to some stupid Child Services Officer, I wanted it to be me. I felt like it had to be me. So then, I might..."

He might what? Why is he so interested in me?

"Eh... are you hungry, Jayden?" He inquires suddenly, and I blink. Man, he changes the subject really fast...

"No, sir," I reply and he nods, standing up.

"Okay, I'll make some burgers," He says and I blink again. Um... didn't I just...?

I sigh. Oh well. There's no use arguing.

"So... what're they planning on doing about your dad?" Mr. Spencer said from the kitchen, pulling out a pan as the meat thawed.

"I..." I put a hand on the back of my neck nervously, "M-Maybe you should ask Seaton instead, sir. I –I'm not really..."

"Oh...okay," Mr. Spencer nods, "Do you need anything? For pain, I mean?"

"No, sir."

But he gets me something anyway.

-

I can't stop thinking about that kiss. Seaton kissed me. Seaton kissed me. Seaton kissed me. Seaton kissed me. Seaton kissed me. Seaton kissed me. Seaton kissed me. Seaton ki –

I need to stop.

It never happened. It never happened. It never happened. It never happened. It never happened. It never happened. It never happened. It never happened. Oh fuck I think I'm going crazy. Why the hell did he have to kiss me? I hate that. And then –no.

No. I'm not worth it.

I can't think about it like he did something wrong.

He was just trying to shut me up. I was babbling. He didn't want to hear me talk anymore, that's all. I was being stupid; going on and on about my life like it was horrible or something. It wasn't that bad. I could go back. It's not too hard. I'd live. I know it. I'm not that weak. I could do it. But –But –

Freedom. I... If I had to choose between Seaton and freedom, which would I choose? Well, Seaton. No question. I've never had freedom, so I wouldn't miss it. But Seaton...I would miss Seaton. I already miss him. Damn it, I should feel like this! Why'd he have to kiss me? It's not fair!