My Demon

The Source - 8

I went back out of the cave and it had stopped raining.

I wandered out and I felt lost in the mystery of my life, the source of my fall.

What caused me to fall from grace? What was so damaging it made me a fallen angel?

Desperately, I reran the night it happened, but none of it made a definitive answer.

Man, it really bothers me.

I mean, take for instantance that I was angry and defensive of Ryu, my parents being cut down in cold blood, and...

I stopped walking.

I remember there was one demon I trusted with my life and to this day I remember him.

He protected, shielded me as I slept by that tree from the vision. His kind crimson eyes always smiling back at me.

He was my best friend, my only friend...

Saddening, I swallowed up my lament to forget it.

I trudged forward and left the old me behind.

No time remained for my tears.

Ryu was gone. My parents offed by demons.

It was too much to ask to let go of. If Claudis knew, he wouldn't act so forceful with me.

I wasn't certain of his motives for protecting me. He didn't make the slightest bit of sense to me.

Ryu knew better than I did when it came to judging a person's characteristic.

I hated that. I hated him for it.

Ryu was part of my never-ending battle against myself.

Claudis only saw me as Ryu, but I'm not Ryu.

I'm not loving or caring like him. I'm not his friend.

I'm his enemy, his destruction. So, why does he shower his attention on a nephilim brat like me?

I'm passed the point of anger, I was already bitter.

So why?

Why at all? 

His ruby eyes smoldered before me and I grew irritated by them.

There was sentimentality swirling in those irises, but not enough to be certain of his claim that I changed him.

He never saw through me like any other demon, but he knew my pressures.

I lost Ryu before I knew it.

I felt it like my heart was being crushed by a demon's strong grip.

It tore deep into the pains of my mind that I had lost everyone who ever mattered to me.  

It was suffocating my joy. I couldn't be happy because there was no one left to me.

A loneliness that no one can fill with their presence.

I felt the trickle of a tear burst from my right eye and then the left.

Goddammit! I'm a mess.

Look at how pathetic I am, Ryu, it's because of you leaving me. You left me here.

You idiot what the hell did you think you were doing trying to save someone?! 

You couldn't even wield a weapon properly, so why did you even believe you had it in you to fight back?

God, you're so noble that your head doesn't think before rushing in.

So, this is how I get punished by you. You left me because I never told you about mom and dad. When I never let you take up a weapon, I thought I gave you a hint that you aren't a fighter.